Smartie's Holiday Bar & Grill #49

Camels?
You serve camels here?

Aren't they smelly, rude and bad tippers?

 

Hi Santa, hi all. Been very busy lately, ready for some moonshine PLEASE.

 

As you wish my dear.

http://media.beta.photobucket.com/image/moonshine/BebeBeckA/moonshine.jpg

 

I thought Nieman Marcus and Needless Markup were synonyms . . .
SMW will you get me something to when you get his CC#?

 

You still got it old timer. Thank you kindly dear Sir.

 

same here, that is brand name and expensive.

 

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART




Yesterday I was at my


local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.


I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends....it will be their laugh for the day!

 

And one for Falena... whereever she ran off to...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subj: How to install Texas Security System



HOW TO INSTALL A TEXAS HOME SECURITY SYSTEM (NO ELECTRONICS INVOLVED)


1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo

Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that says,




"Bubba,


Me, Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be

back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman

this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but

it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em

in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.


Cooter"

 

Tried to get in several times yesterday, but the site was down. The more things change...

Good morning to anybody who stumbles in here. Left a plate of brownies in the fridge and a pitcher of mimosas on the bar... help yourself.

 

Mornin folks, what's fer breakfast? Is the Yankee cooking?

 

Here, let me do the honors:



Mmmm, at least one of the basic food groups... vodka.

 

Thanks Smartie, one for breakfast, one for lunch. I should be happy for the rest of the day, happy or very very shleeeeeeeepy 'n such

 

i'll have a double and a steak!!

 

I think its serve yourself now. Everyone's left after I started singing.

 

medium rare here.

 

I get it ... Lean Forward eh !

 

'mornin, folks! Sorry, guys... hope you found the steaks in the 'fridge and helped yourself. How 'bout a nice mimosa to start off the day?

 

Any of those mimosas left, or did Mary find them first?

I got the stomach bug that everybody here wanted to share. Been catching up on things at work, since I'm off starting 12/21 and don't have to come back until 1/7/13.

Have I missed anything? I've got more moonshine in the back of the truck. *cracks the whip at the pool boys* LOL...they love it.

 

Mornin Ms Kimi. Thought the smell of Mimosas would bring you here.
How our wee one?

 

nice to see ya 'round, Kimi!

Pull up a barstool and tell me everything you know.

 

Mimosas...gone
Kimi...gone

There's a pattern

 

Sweet Patootie Elijah is great! Took him to breakfast with Santa last Saturday, and we talked all about Santa before we got there. We stood in line waiting our turn and he kept pointing at him and saying "Santa". Our turn comes up and I try to put him in Santa's lap. He wrapped both legs around my waist and both arms around my neck, refusing to sit there. So, long story short, we have pics of Santa, Elijah and Nonnie...lol We weren't the only ones, either. There were more pics of parents and grandparents than not. He's lots of fun. Just turned TWO. That's how he says it when you ask him how old he is...."TWO!!" Love him tons.

 

I know tomorrow's Friday... That's as far as I'm thinking right now.

 

LOL...I'm pretty sure I saw Mary sneaking around behind the bar, too.

 

Wow, you've been busy! LOL

Yeah, today's my Fri... burning a vac day tomorrow. Got it sch so I don't have to work a single Fri in Dec... then I'll be off from the 20 to the 2nd. You've got a few days on me... but I'm sure looking forward to the time off!!

Luv the Santa story. Just think how he'd have reacted if you hadn't told him all about Santa!