Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

"GO FISK YOURSELF ! "​

 

I was offered eight legs of venison for $80.

Do you think that's too dear?

 

No, it's 4.
I hate to be a pedant but...
the forequarters are called shoulders.

 

That's bad, that's really bad. I'm still smiling. Bad...

 

Thanks, I didn't know deers walk around on shoulders and not legs. You live and learn.

 

Did you know that, if you die from COVID, even your death was Made in China.

 

Some people like to make jokes about Peter Dinklage, but I wouldn't stoop that low.

 

What's the difference between smoke and Muslims?

You can't blow smoke away with a shotgun.

 

No Joke... Be careful eating that venison...!
https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/covid-rampant-deer-research-shows-rcna10181

 

What do you get when you put a kid in a microwave? An erection.

 

I used to live in Chicago. One early Spring night I was getting lubricated at my favorite bar and two drunks were betting on stuff. Not normal stuff like sports, but stuff like which raindrop would get to the bottom of the window first or whether the next person through the door would be male or female. At the end of the night, the black haired guy had taken quite a beating from the blond. His raindrops were all slow and he had been slapped several times for accusing people of being transvestites. The barman called closing time and we all went into the street. Black haired guy said " Look, one more bet, then we'll call it a night. My apartment's just down there at the tee intersection. When the wind's up, like it is tonight, it will make a man able to fly at least a little bit."

Blond boy doesn't believe him. "Never happen," he says, " Here's a hundred that says so."

Next thing you know, I'm holding the bet, following these two drunks to the top of a high rise apartment building.

They don't call Chicago the "Windy City" for nothing. That night it came off the lake, strong and bitter cold. Blackie says " Right. The wind gets channeled down this street and it blows straight up here. A man could jump off the building and never fall."

Blondie says "Got a hundred says you won't!"

I'm holding that too when Blackie gets up on the parapet. Blondie cries "Hey man, I was just joking. Let's just call it a day, no harm done."

Blackie growls "I said I was going to do a thing and by God I'm going to do it."

Blondie got a bit sobered up by the wind and chill. "Look, you win the bet! Just stop. I can't have your death on my conscience."

Blackie grabs the edges of his overcoat, spreads his 'wings', and leans forward til he slides off the roof. He falls about a story, then the wind catches his coat and lifts him back to the roof.

Blondie Is awestruck. He's still pretty drunk though, so he bets Blackie he can't do it again sans overcoat. Blackie promptly stuns us both by taking off his coat and then taking off his shirt. He grips the cuffs in his left hand and the shirttails in his right and jumps of the edge.

After he gets about 10 feet out his makeshift parachute opens. He falls about two stories before the wind bears him back to the roof.

"I gotta try this," says Blondie. He grabs the edges of his coat and jumps over the edge. He falls like a stone.

I said "You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."

 

Childhood obesity has its upsides. 10 year olds with decent sized tits.

 

Dude, you really didn't say that

 

Nope.

He typed it.

 

Q. What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A. Taller.

 

I was asked who my celebrity crush was when growing up.

I replied, "Hillsborough".

 

Actually had to use Google to get the reference...

 

Hey, Biden!
You have been honored at the Chi-Com Olympics: The men’s bobsled team named it’s fastest sled “The Biden” - because nothing else can take America down hill faster!

 

And that is also the town where wheat czechs were invented!