Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Tim the tool man had the solution. Cover that bad boy up or I'll get my caulking gun and fill it in.

 

That actually happened when someone I knew died. Thunder and lightning right after he passed away.

 

The dog was Team Bernie but I took 1/2 his dinner and gave it to the cat.

He's now Team Trump.

 

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

 

True: I was talking with a young woman about animals. We are both animal lovers and discussed how it is generally the owner that makes a bad pet. If dogs and cats are raised with love, they will usually be loving animals. I mentioned that a lot of people lose them temper and yell, or even hit the animal, when they are either acting instinctively or they don't understand.

She said yes, it is really tough with kids like that....

We went from dogs to kids really fast! I declared as I laughed. She blushed as she smiled sheepishly.

 

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 am: A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snowwoman.

8:15 am: So, I made a snowwoman.

8:17 am: My feminist neighbor complained about the snowwoman's voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snowwomen everywhere.

8:20 am: The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 am: My transgender friend passed by and asked why I didn't just make one snowperson with detachable parts.

8:25 am: The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 am: I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 am: The Muslim gent across the road demanded the snow woman wear a burqa.

8:40 am: The police arrive, saying someone has been offended.

8:42 am: The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snowwoman needs to be removed, because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 am: The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 am: My local TV news crew from the ABC showed up, asking me if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen. I replied, "Snowballs." Now I’m called a sexist.

9:00 am: I'm on the morning news, being described as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 am: I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.

9:29 am: Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding I be charged by the Anti-Everything Commissioner and then beheaded.

So, how's your morning been?

 

then they become overwear.

 

the same as yours. I feel your pain.

 

Now pay attention

 

Ask Jeeves.

 

Baa!

 

Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man.

 

I asked Stephen Fry but he didn't know...

 

Had you asked me first I could have told you but no, you went elsewhere. Well forget it, I'm not telling now.

 

A headline from the Science Forum

Chinese scientists are creating CRISPR babies

My next thought was, they must be running a hotter oven.

 

Cindy Crawford A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a woman passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?" He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says," if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

 

30 seconds later, Cindy says, "You're right, I don't believe it."

 

he Commanding Officer at the Russian Military Academy
(the equivalent to a 4-star General in the U.S.) gave a lecture on "Potential Problems and Military Strategy." At the end of the long lecture, he asked if there were any questions.
An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a World War III, Sir? And will Russia take part?"
The General answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy, Sir?"
The General replied, "All indications point to China."
Everyone in the audience was shocked and a murmur was heard throughout the auditorium.
A third officer remarked, "General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive such a battle?"
The General answered, "Just think about this for a moment : In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer - from the back of the auditorium asked,
"Do we have enough Jews, Sir?"

 

to all my environmental, globalistic friends out there, i'd like to say:

f*ck the planet, y'alls deserve whatever's coming, i'll be dead before it gets worse so i'm doing my part to increase co2 levels, just for you! i'm aimlessly rackin up the miles on my old diesel rig & letting it idle while not in use, 24/7/365...
have a great day! and enjoy your future

 

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance...

... who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody- or-other had printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther."

 

I phoned the police the other day. "What's your emergency?" they asked.
I said, "Two girls are fighting over me."
"OK," she paused. "Well what's the problem?"

"The fat one's winning."

 

If this don't make you laugh, I don't know what will.

 

Will He Still Be Able To Find His Butt?

​

Here is his GoFundMe link
https://www.gofundme.com/f/kendrick-norton-support-fund

The first edition begged for medical bills.
Ooops, his medical bills are covered.
Then it was about maintaining his standard of living.
Now in its third incarnation
the most Tasteless Joke and Don't Know It
https://www.gofundme.com/f/kendrick-norton-support-fund



Moi
Moi Knows Tasteless!
Manners are for passive-aggressives
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