Patient Bill: Doctor, I'm at wit's end." Doctor: Take a deep breath, and tell me what's wrong. Patient Bill: I discovered my wife frequents Jack's Bar where she has sex with anyone who asks. I don't what to do. Doctor: I can help you with that. But first, where exactly is Jack's bar? Patient Jeff: I think my wife's trying to poison me. What should I do? Doctor: OK, I'll give her a call and talk to her. Then you come back in a week, and I'll tell you what I think. (a week later.) Patient Jeff: Did you talk to her? Doctor: Yes, I spoke with your wife for almost two hours. My advice is -- take the poison. Did you hear Coleman came out with a pump TV? The only thing is, you can't watch porn on it. Nobody's that coordinated.