Wife makes man's life hell by falsely accusing him of domestic violence

Another case of a man being falsely accused by the woman he is with, turning his life into a hell.

This is a post that appeared in a Quora thread titled "What is the worst thing a woman can do to a man?"

Christopher Carlin
BA/Communications from Villanova University

In 2017, my wife had me falsely arrested for domestic abuse.

She had actually threatened to do so a month previously; and it put the fear of God into me.

So I took the next day off from work, went to court and tried to get a restraining order against her and possibly have her removed from our home.

The judge refused to give me one. He told me that because my wife hadn't physically threatened me, he had no grounds on which to grant me a restraining order. He did, however, say he would give me a “No Abuse” order, which meant that my wife couldn't threaten me like that again. I told His Honor that if that was all the court was willing to do that day, I'd much prefer to just drop the whole matter, as having my wife served with a “no abuse” order would fail to offer me any real protection from false accusation and would just make the situation worse. But he said he'd already begun writing out the order, and was going to give it to me anyway. He then wished me good luck and good day.

There was a court advocate who had assisted me with the restraining order paperwork, and gone with me before the judge. She was a very sweet girl, and when we got outside the courtroom, she said to me, “Christopher…I think the court really let you down today. And I'm sorry it worked out that way.” I said, “Yes, the court has really let me down today. And I guarantee you that sometime within the next few months, my wife is going to have me thrown in jail”. And she said, “Well…I sure hope that doesn't happen. Good luck, Christopher, and I hope everything works out for you.”

And indeed, the ‘No Abuse’ order did in fact make things worse…much worse. The whole situation became incredibly uncomfortable and hostile, and my wife and I got to the point where we really hated each other. But I refused to flee my own home. (Although in looking back on it, that probably would have been the wisest course of action. But hindsight’s always 20/20).

And just as I had predicted, about a month after I tried to get the restraining order… she had me arrested.

We had been arguing that evening and said some really nasty things to each other, and then she left our apartment and went across the hall to a girlfriend's. I thought it was all over.

Ten minutes later a police car pulled up in front of our building, lights flashing.

I knew immediately my wife must have called them, but deep down I guess I really didn't believe my wife would be sadistic enough to have me arrested, inasmuch as I had never been anything but good to her.

I was wrong.

Two officers came in, asked me what was going on. I said, “Nothing’s going on, and I have no idea why you guys are here.” They asked, “Has there been an altercation between you and your wife?” I said, “No. Just an argument. Just words. Is this a noise complaint?” They ignored that query and asked, “Where's your wife?” I told them, “I believe she's right across the hall at a friend's.” “Okay”, they told me, “stay here while we go speak to her.” “No problem”, I replied.

They went across the hall and were there for twenty minutes.

And I knew something must be going on; because it doesn't take twenty minutes to tell two cops that we'd just had an argument and that everything was fine.

I knew she must be inventing some kind of major bullshit story for them.

And sure enough, when the officers returned twenty minutes later, they told me to stand up and put my hands behind my back, as they were placing me under arrest for domestic violence.

“Domestic violence?”, I said. “What ‘violence’? It was a simple verbal argument!”

They said, “Well…she's saying differently. And we're placing you under arrest.” “What did she say?”, I asked. “She claimed I put my hands on her?”

They ignored those questions (and pretty much anything else I asked or said) and proceeded to handcuff me and bring me to the police station. I found out the next day that she'd told them I had ‘grabbed her by the hair and thrown her to the floor.’ Which, please believe me, was a complete and total fabrication. An utter invention on her part. I've never hit a woman in my life or treated a woman in any such fashion. Never.

I spent 18 days in jail (which was really awful). I'd just gotten paid the night my wife had me arrested, and had $800 cash on me, but the bailbondsman set my bail at $1500, because I had a DUI from 16 years ago and one other minor charge on my record, and because domestic violence is taken so seriously here in the Bay State (which it should be, of course…unless you happen to be innocent). I knew I could get the bail reduced, which I did, but I had to sit in jail for 18 days before I could get in front of a judge again and get my bail lowered to $500, and spring myself, which I did.

Of course, my wife had immediately requested a restraining order against me, which was granted (for one year), so when I walked out of the jail I was essentially homeless.

She'd also done such an excellent job of portraying me as an evil monster and claiming she was in such fear of her life from me that the court only granted my release on condition that I be fitted with an electronic ankle bracelet that would monitor my movement and make sure I stayed away from my own home, and my wife.

My friends did all they could to help me, but the winter of 2017-18 was the worst time of my life. I had to plug the ****ing ankle bracelet in every night for 2 hours to charge it. Half the time I never knew where I'd be staying that night, and because my two best friends lived very close to where my wife and I had lived, I was unable to stay with them for fear of setting the ankle bracelet off, although I would have been more than welcome at either of their homes. I wound up spending more than a few nights at the local homeless shelter, which was only a slight improvement over prison.

Aside from my bail, I was forced to shell out a ton of dough for an attorney…which was really pretty pointless when all was said and done.

Because eventually, I had to plead out. Because, although there was absolutely no physical evidence that I had assaulted my wife, no photos of bruises, black eyes, or anything even remotely like that, my lawyer told me; “Christopher, you have a good case and I'm ready to go to trial with you on this. But, as you're paying me to protect your best interests, I must tell you that, if your wife is willing to get up on the witness stand and lie like a trooper and cry and pull all the stops out…this whole thing could go south on you. If the jury believes her story, of course they'll bring in a guilty verdict. And if that happens, I may be able to avoid jail time for you…but maybe not. Domestic violence is taken very seriously here in Massachusetts, and you could well up wind up doing 6 months or more if found guilty. I'm willing to do whatever you want, but it might be in your best interests to just plead out, avoid jail time and walk away from this whole miserable mess. I know you're innocent…but it might be the best course of action for you.”

What would you have done?

So as I said, I did indeed end up pleading out (jail was so hideous I wasn't even willing to risk a possible return to it, even if the chance of that happening was 50/50 or less; who knows what a jury may do or believe?), and am now a convicted felon. Aside from the $5,000 I paid for my lawyer, I must shell out another $2,000 for “Anti-domestic violence classes”, which nonsense I must sit through every Tuesday night for 2 hours for the next thirty-eight weeks, and I'm also doing Community Service at a local food bank to pay for some of my court costs and probation fees. But there are other court costs that cannot be worked off by Community Service and must be paid out of pocket; these will come to about another $350.

So essentially, my wife has made me homeless, nearly ruined me financially, and has tarnished my legal reputation permanently. Even as I write this, she sits in the apartment we lived in, watching my flat-screen TV, sleeping in my king-sized bed, and relaxing on all my furniture. And for four or five months, the court forced me to pay the utilities there and also her cell phone bill.

I'm 57 years old and have been through some ****, but this past year has truly been a living hell; and I don't exaggerate when saying that. I came very close to just giving up and hanging myself. I never would have survived without the help of my friends, and will always be grateful to them; many times they really went above and beyond for me.

I'm in a new apartment, and it's a dump, but I'm grateful to have it. And my landlord has promised to move me to better accommodations in a nicer building across the street sometime soon.

My wife tried to destroy me…but she failed. Because I'm still here and still alive, and have managed to pick up the pieces.

But at great cost. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. My credit's been wrecked. My hair has gone gray. I lost 30 pounds over the course of this year, and nearly developed an ulcer. I felt miserably ill for months…I mean nauseous all the time, every day, with occasional vomiting. My car was repossessed, and I now take public transportation everywhere.

I won't go into what an evil harpy my wife is, a piece of human trash, etc., etc., etc.

But I've often asked myself; how does my wife sleep at night?

How does she live with what she's done to me? Knowing she had me imprisoned on a false charge? Having (as she must) a full understanding of what she did to my life?

I can honestly say that I could never, ever do to someone what my wife's done to me, not in a million years; no matter how angry or upset I was. I simply don't have that kind of vindictiveness in me.

She goes to this kooky spiritualist church twice a week, and I guess she thinks that makes her a good person, and okay with God.

Unfortunately, my story is a sadly common one here in Massachusetts (or “Missachusetts”, as men here often call it, with good reason).

And unfortunately, women here seem to do what my wife did to me a lot. Because they know how the law works, and they know they can have a man arrested at the twitch of their little finger, and solely upon their word.

I've learned something about women. And what I've learned is; if a woman feels you've done her wrong or disrespected her or made her unhappy in some way, she will go over the top in ways most men never would. Because I think most men…most men that I've known, anyway…understand that life is very hard and that there are certain things you're not entitled to do to other people because it can literally destroy them and all they've labored for; screw with their livelihood, bear false witness against them, throw them in jail, destroy their lives or reputations. But ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

And when the fairer sex feel they've been wronged, it seems to me that all bets are off the table, and they're willing to do anything to get what they perceive to be even and as far as they're concerned, it's totally justified and you're just getting what's coming to you. And I think many women have this mindset of; ‘So what if I throw him in jail? He's a man...he can take it.’

But I'm very sure my wife would weep like a child if she were ever to endure being handcuffed, finger-printed, strip-searched and thrown in a cinder block cell.

Women can be dangerous and unstable…and incredibly vindictive, is what I've learned.

And that's the worst thing a woman can do to a man; and certainly the worst thing that a woman's ever done to me.

But I’ve survived, you hateful bitch.

And I’m still ****ing here.

“There are some meanessess which are too mean even for man—woman, lovely woman alone, can venture to commit them.” -William Makepeace Thackeray

 

The obvious solution is to make it worthwhile: track her down and vivisect her.

 

Sounds like she found someone else, but couldn't take the stigma of being the one to end the relationship.

I would've risked prison. And I sorta did. I was in that same situation, though I never tried to get the law involved. She would try to provoke me into physical violence, sometimes with violence of her own that was just not quite enough to 'leave marks' (which is what the cops around here tend to look for before making any arrests). I knew she was looking for any excuse to have me arrested so she could file for some sort of 'battered women benefits' that would pay for her to stay in our house once I was gone, because she told me as much. But even if she hadn't, I was never gonna hit her back. She wasn't threatening my life (at least not physically, perhaps verbally, though never in literal terms, more like 'I wish...' or 'I had a dream about...', stuff like that), and I never wanted to hurt her, so there was no reason to hit her anyway. Eventually she realized I was neither going anywhere nor giving her the excuse she needed, and she left.

I'm still on good terms with her kids, so I still interact with her on occasion, and we're cordial. She even apologized a while after.

 

was there a link?

 

In that sort of situation, I think the man should immediately leave and live somewhere else, to reduce the risk, if he knows what's good for him.
The main reason women falsely accuse a man is because they are angry and want him out of that living situation, but they want to keep living in the home.

Unfortunately many lower income people cannot easily afford to move out or live on their own. (Finding a new compatible roommate can be difficult and take time)
The cost of housing in many areas is very high, so it is not always so easy to just move out with short notice.

 

since it was posted on Quora, the link is probably not going to last for long.

You could have found this link on your own, based on all the information that was provided, but that would have required a little bit of effort, wouldn't it?

 

I agree that there is bad men and bad women, had to tell which is which in divorces, heck, Trump's ex claimed he raped her, hard to tell if she lied or he did

 

would have just been easier for you to post the link would it not, I mean you're the one that posted it

 

People who make false accusations should face the same punishment as their accused.

My divorce worked out much better. She was out of state for 2 weeks when I found out about her affairs. I had my lawyer hired before she returned and had proof of her affairs. That proof saved me $250k in alimony. Some of HER family won't even speak to her.

 

This sounds nice, but is an overly simplistic view and in reality things are not going to work that way.

I could have a discussion about exactly why that is, but that would probably be another long thread.

Women who get caught falsely accusing a man - and it is very rare they ever got caught - usually only a face a few years in prison - far less than the accused man would have gotten if the accusations had been believed.

 

Never take the plea deal and also sue for libel and take her for everything she has. Men who buckle like this are not just allowing these women to ruin their own lives, but also giving other women the green light to screw over other men knowing there is an open border.

 

Unfortunately that's not always good advice. Plenty of men have been convicted at trial based only on the testimony of one woman, no other evidence.
Most of the time when defendants plead guilty and take the plea bargain they get far less prison time. Sometimes no prison time.
Yes, it sounds absurd and completely paradoxical to many people but this is what routinely happens often in the legal system; plead guilty, serve no prison time. (or they just let you out and say time already served) Trade-off of course is long-term civil liberties.

 

IN the future if you are in a relationship with a woman that is ending this way identify as a woman.

 

Count Yourself Lucky you never had children with her otherwise you would have had to have contact with her for at least 18 years.

My step mom would lock me in a room with no food water, or bathroom for 8 hours a day as a fivish year old while my dad was at work.

And she went around the neighborhood accusing my dad of being a pedophile and some of the neighbors actually believed her.

My Dad is not a pedophile.

 

But welcome to the red pill

When women are arrested for the same crimes as men they receive an over 60% reduced sentence and that's after being many less times less likely to even be prosecuted in the first place...

 

Part of that is how it should be; the other part is an unfair double standard in society.

What I have a problem with is women barely being punished at all when it is discovered (and proven with certainty) that they lied about abuse to try to send a man to prison. If she had been believed, the man might have been sent to prison for 15 or 20 years. But when it is discovered she lied, she only gets 2 or 3 years. And it's so rare to ever be able to discover and prove the woman was lying. Maybe only about 1 out of every 100 times a woman falsely accuses a man are they ever able to prove she was lying. (I mean not just enough evidence to let the man off the hook, but enough evidence to punish her. Because obviously no wants to take the risk of punishing a woman when there was a chance she was telling the truth, a victim who made a report to police)

And now to make things even worse, the court system and society is changing the way things work and allowing women to get huge amounts of money for abuse they claim happened--when there's no other solid evidence, no other witnesses to the crime. This is NOT the way it used to work in society.
In some cases they're even passing laws to support this.

And it seems a huge swath of society is too stupid to see what is wrong with this. Or they don't realize--don't have a clue--that a woman can lie and have a 50 times greater chance of being given a huge bundle of money than she does of getting punished. (Heck, there's a lot of desperate women who would take the money even if they knew there was a 50% chance they'd spend 2 years in prison)
And then one half of society is too stupid to have a clue about what the other half of society believes. There are plenty of people too stupid and in denial to realize that yes, a man can be sent to prison based on the claims of a woman alone and without other evidence. While the other half of society sees no problem with awarding a woman big amounts of money in those situations and thinks that is only normal and natural.

But of course women can have all sorts of motivations that don't involve trying to sue the man for money. Like trying to punish him out of anger for sleeping with someone else and leaving her. Or she found another guy and she wants to take over his house. Or even she knows he's going to reveal an embarrassing secret she has so she wants to accuse him of something awful first and send him to prison so no one else will believe him.