Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married

Skimmed the article.

Nothing really new. Just less cultural pressure for marriage. Men have always been less inclined to committed relationships.

Lots of lonely old irrelevant men in the future.

 

Why play a game heavily rigged against you?

 

I think the risks are worth it, and why do I want it? The symbolism of marriage is powerful, I would like to formalize my commitment and love to (and trust in, by the way) just one woman with intent to make it work until death takes one of us, and marriage provides a more rigorous set of bonds to join us in union than simply being two disentangled individuals who happen to enjoy the company of one another and cohabitate but could also always be just a day or two away from parting paths and never being in contact again.

A guy needs to sort out his priorities. Communicate well and be both open and honest with ones partner. Be empathetic, modest, and thoughtful. This isn't rocket science - if ya'll are worried about alimony and destitution make sure to arrange for a prenupt. Spend several months if not a few years getting to know someone before getting married. Ask important questions and make sure one has a good idea of where things are headed before taking vows. I get that lots of folk get divorced and the process is inconvenient, but 50% of marriages ending in divorce still means 50% endure. I reckon I'm the sort of guy who can and someday will make such a relationship succeed and bring both she and I great happiness.

It honestly surprises me a great deal that I am here placing what appears to be more value in the institution of marriage, treating it as if in a way sacred, and having a more positive opinion of it overall than several folk on the Right!

 

Marriage as understood in modern times is a Statist creation. That's probably why people suspicious of the state are not fond of it. I personally have been burned badly by a divorce and i say objectively that justice was not served. I know and have known what could count for no less than an army of men who have walked in my shoes.

That is not to say if a man and a women want to bind their relationship together (no paperwork exchanged with that abusive old uncle Samuel) under the presence of God, their loved ones and a pastor that they are any less married. Of course that brings common law states into the equation and im not sure how that works exactly. But my point is i am all for marriage, but my definition is of a Christian perspective and has zero to do with knowingly hanging yourself by officially marrying a woman in a matriarchal, secular and atheistic feminist hell hole known as USA.

 

Marriage is all pain and no gain , one woman can never satisfy my needs and they get so boring and predictable after the first couple of weeks.
All my friends are same age with me (40-45) and those who wasted too many years married either are bald or have way too many silver hair....not to speak how they always feel (*)(*)(*)(*)(*) wiped even when they are not .

 

I think that captures the dread of marriage in one simple sentence. There is some sort of presumed added responsibility to marriage, that is illusory, that emerges even if the relationship functions exactly the same as it did before marriage.

That and the ridiculous cost of a wedding is enough of a deterrent for many people. Consumerism priced many people out of a wedding.

 

Kind of ironic, even many straight people are turned off by the legal ramifications of marriage. Yet gays are acting like legal marriage will be the greatest thing since the emancipation proclamation.

I wonder after gay marriage is legal, how many gay couples will just forego legal marriage altogether because of all the legal complications that go with it.

 

Occam's razor cuts both ways.

 

I wanted to get married. To have someone to come home to, a reason to live besides simply paying the rent. She wasn't worth the trouble. I've yet to meet a woman who is worth the trouble that isn't already married to somebody else.

 

As someone who has no desire to get married any time soon, I agree with the tone of the article. I really don't see what I would stand to gain in the absence of children, and the last two girls I dated that wanted to get married had no interest in children. Maybe living in L.A. has skewed my perception, but I don't see why any male would want to be married just to be married. If we are not having kids, what is the point?
Some of the guys in this thread say they have a special bond with their wife, but you can have that without legal paperwork.

 

I'm not sure what any of this has to do with race or "obedient women". I am 33, I have never lived through Jim Crow or any of the other straw men you are constructing here. I just have no interest in a one sided contract with no foreseeable gain.
Remove the cultural context for a moment. Let's say marriage was just invented yesterday (with surrounding laws being like they are now) with all other things in society being the same. Would anyone think this sounded like a good idea for men? It's even worse than my cell phone contract.

 

You may, but most will not. As the article mentioned, look at how dads are portrayed in popular entertainment.
I personally pity the guy with the baby harness across his chest and the diaper bag on his shoulder, being led around by his wife. I see these guys every day in my neighborhood and they never seem too happy. They look emasculated and defeated.

Men are more (mostly) visual in sexual attraction. You may have noticed that women typically spend a lot more time on their appearance than men do. There is a reason for that. That is what men respond to. Youth and beauty are indicators of fertility and health which are what arouses men (even if they are not consciously looking for children). But, just taking what you are saying at face value, it seems like both parties lose.

Even serious girlfriends can cause you to lose your friends. It depends on how much "us time" a relationship requires. A woman with no hobbies is the death of your friendships outside of her.

This is one of those instances where there is really no winning. If we try to take control we are mean and overbearing, if we try to appease we are weak and allowing it to happen. Why bother at all?

Why don't you look at who files for 90% of the no fault divorces (I'll give you a hint: it's not men).

At first you blame men for not trying hard enough, and in the next sentence admit that the courts are stacked against them. Which is it?
Have you noticed the pattern that everything is our fault in your posts? Even when you admit that it isn't our fault, it's still our fault. This kind of thing is why people don't want to be married.

Not according to the article. Women are only penalized at 1/8th the rate of men.

Single life really is better. With no incentive to get married, people my age and younger would be foolish to do so.

I agree that not all women are out to screw you over, but the way our laws and customs are arranged, it is very easy for them to do so if they ever change their minds. Nothing about our society offers incentive for men to get married. Even if you find a nice person, just date or live together...no need to get the state involved and take on unnecessary risk.

 

Because sense of polygamy : ))) the common feature of men .

 

If thats what makes you happy, then yes, agreed, just date and live together. I know the courts are pro-woman, I dont argue that. Woman used to be the ones to take care of the kids while relying on Dad to support the famly financially. The courts still have that mentality but I know there are Dads groups (Single Dads/Fighting Fathers)out there that are trying to change that..

 

Honestly what is the point of getting married anyway, if it just boils down to being the emasculated male with ear hair and a beer gut, with no outside hobbies, who's only purpose in life is to be led around with the diaper bag by his equally overweight wife (who he only married after knocking her up in HS), while working the graveyard shirt at Waffle Shop every night just to support the kid that only had because he was too stupid to use a condom at age 17.

I think the majority of marriages are just something that people settle for because they haven't found true purpose in life, not something that anyone'd actually aspire to. Sure there are some really great, soul-mate couples out there, but exceptions don't make the norm.

Marriage has been overly romanticized by Hollywood and Disney movies. Hell I see married couples with kids, who spend more time fighting with each other, or btching at their kids - than actually spending any quality time with their spouse or children. Kind of defeats the entire purpose if you ask me.

 

Unconditional love is actually a creepy concept. Love should have its boundaries.

 

Interesting read - on the flip side though, you're basically saying that being in a marriage, both parties are destined to be overweight, growing ear hair, and have no interests or hobbies other than carrying the diaper bag and working the graveyard shift just to pay the bills.

Why'd anyone want that? I enjoy my health, I enjoy Taekwondo, I enjoy preparing my own meals, I enjoy staying physically fit, I enjoy being able to go out for a drink on occasion. I'm thinking about hitting the gym and following a serious routine to build some muscle mass. Why would I want to trade my health and hobbies and occasional drink for a 'marriage' if it's like you describe?

That's what's ironic - you're nitpicking at how whiny the OP is, but you're basically describing marriage yourself in the most unflattering terms possible. If it's anything like you say it is, then it's totally overrated.

 

Procreation does not require marriage to work.

 

My take, chicks should realize that their role is to bend over 3-5 times per day. There are porn sites as a surrogate if they feel otherwise. Most women viewed me as a vile monster until I was 35 (due to my upbringing and lack of manners). Unfortunately, I am still the same person but with more money and more attitude.

 

Pick whatever sitcom or whatever (commercials and movies follow the same pattern) you like and watch the married couples specifically. The women are smart, have their (*)(*)(*)(*) together, and are always looking out for the best interest of the family. The man will be an idiot who can't make it 5 minutes without his wife and is constantly motivated by selfishness or incompetence. If the man belongs to a minority of some kind he can have redeeming qualities, otherwise he is just a buffoon who is blessed to have his wife.

It is more than one, and I was just judging based on the crushed miserable looks on their faces. You're right, they might be having a great time.

I'm sure they do. So again, why would anyone want to do this to themselves?

Easier said than done! They never seem that way at first.

I don't personally know a single guy that would complain about girls night out. I'm sure they exist, but I don't know any. I find myself going into work early or staying late, just to get some time alone occasionally.
You are correct that men need to be needed sometimes; I can agree with that generality. There has to be a happy medium between complete disinterest and creepy smothering though, right?

I'm almost afraid of what that would look like at this point. Anyhow, you know that in many interpersonal relationships, sexual or platonic, one person usually takes the lead. It's just human nature. I'm sure you have friends that you socially dominate because they are meek and indecisive and there are probably people that make you feel like they dominate (I am using dominate here to mean the stronger will prevailing over the other, not necessarily to be mean or bad).

True. This thread is about why men don't want to get married, and the high probability of divorce is one of those reasons. I pointed to 'no fault' divorce, because since its introduction divorce rates have skyrocketed. An extremely high percentage of those divorces are initiated by women. "No fault divorce" means that neither party did anything wrong, but that one party was unhappy. That IS what has changed about the standard of marriage.

I agree that both genders probably do things the other hates. I think the focus of the article is on men because we saw a decline in interest at the same time women had an increase in interest. There are numerous articles and blogs from women asking "where have all the good men gone?", and this phenomenon is happening in places other than just the US. It is also happening in Honk Kong and Taiwan from what I hear.

For some reason I don't think splintering into a bunch of special interest groups is going to bring us together. Anyway, it sounds like you agree that there is no incentive for marriage.

 

I lol'd.

We are at a strange turning point where a social institution that is thousands of years old is on its way out. We still have this distinct feeling that we should get married, but no one can seem to quantify why.

 

Well divorce is legal,
what's the use,
they would certainly go to lawfirms if the BMI
starts increasing and again start looking for that 34-25-34 statistics
once again.

 

Bonus points for answering in the form of a haiku.

 

lol..you guys are tough. Are most men really that jaded over woman? Do we really just stir up feelings of greed and loathing in most men?

If so, I may just hang up my hat now. According to you guys, any long term relationship is doomed before it even starts. Even without marriage, we can still make you lose your friends, take your money for child support and get old and ugly so you wont want to have sex with us.

 

Are you not paying attention to the topic -- I think they are. They see only downsides to a marriage because the system is stacked against them, not only in institutions but in cultural expectations. Men are supposed to bust their asses all day, come home, then clean the house, play with the kids, and so on. They have to ask permission to go out in some cases, they get maybe a few hours on Saturday to play golf with their friends and relax, and usually the woman will guilt trip them over that mere pittance of down time. And when they watch anything in pop culture, the culture tells them over and over and over that they are stupid, lazy and clueless and are lucky to have survived to adulthood.

I think this is exactly the problem -- women have forgotten that they have a partner, and that you have to be willing to have the give and take. You cannot just take, take, take, and have men lining up around the block for the privilege of being treated like a bank account/handyman/live-in babysitter.

Turn it around, what exactly do you offer than men actually want?