If a girl already has a boyfriend, should you tell her you like her?

Note: She seems interested in me and never brings up her bf. Should I be obvious about mentioning I like her, subtlely mention I like her or not say anything and wait for her to be single?

 

Ill give you some thoughts to chew on .

1. Would you like it if a guy was telling your girlfriend that he liked her while you arent around ?

2. What do you expect to happen ? She leave her boyfriend for you ? Cheat on him with you ? Remember , what goes around comes around. If a girl is willing to do that with her current significant other , what makes you think she wouldnt with you ?

I hooked up with this girl who had a boyfriend, I did not know she did at the time... but found out as we were seeing each other and eventually she left him and we went together for a couple years. She never cheated on me ( that I know of ) but towards the end of our relationship she got someones phone number when she was mad at me and then would get bombed drunk and want to dance with other guys and (*)(*)(*)(*)... I knew that it was only a matter of time and we were fighting all the time anyways so I bounced. Never made that mistake again.

 

Better to tell her now than after she marries her boyfriend.

 

if she likes you she'll let it be known...right now you're friends and she feels comfortable and safe with you, telling her how you feel could change that relationship...I'd wait, actually I'd ignore her and still be good friends...I've found women like to approach you when they're ready not when they're being pursued, pursuing them frightens them and you appear desperate(my daughters call it creepy), ignoring them makes you appear more confident, self-assured and desirable...

 

The above posters offer some good advice.

But to be honest there's no real method and you'll just have to trust your instincts.
Personally I wouldn't pursue it any further as she does have a boyfriend/spouse

In my experience I've generally found that my female friends only ever speak to me when they're single and I've had to turn down a few offers from attached women.

So what I'm saying is that if I were you I'd keep it as it is until she makes a decision and then act accordingly.

 

First of all- I think asking for advise here is probably a very bad idea. This is a highly opinionated and partisan audience. I think you need someone more aware of your local situation.

Secondly- its depends on your comfort level with risk- hitting on her risks losing what relationship you have- but has the potential of getting the relationship that you want.

Finally- women generally know better than men what the score is. She knows you are interested. If you flirt with her and she responds, then you will never have to tell her. If she is interested- she will let you know- just listen to her. If you invite her to things with just the two of you- and she refuses every time- she is just not that into you.

 

I agree with SF Jeff that you are likely to only get bad advice here. So here is my bad advice:

I don't know the situation with her boyfriend, whether this is a serious or casual relationship or if the guy is crazed and liable to deliver a beat down if you try to move on his girl. But assuming that you don't think this is going to result in some sort of altercation between you and him, I would go ahead and see how far you can push it. Women are the gatekeepers of these sort of things anyway, so if you are flirting and she is not giving you any back off signals, than she may be interested and is just waiting to leave the other guy.

 

oldyoungin basically got it. On one hand, how'd you feel if you were that guy?

But I, personally, look at it much differently. Is she happy with him or, if not, does she have a real chance at happiness with him? If so, why would you wreck that for her? Usually, guys in your situation that go for the girl are selfish, and have no actual love or care for her. If you did, why would you mess that up for her?

Do the mature thing and be a patient guy.

 

Doctor Vodka,

Just be yourself, and let your actions and deeds speak for how much you care about this girl.
You don't have to be overt about it.
If she is truly dissatisfied with her current boyfriend, she will pick up on your vibe and she will respond accordingly.

If you feel you must say something, then keep it in the vein of, "Boy oh boy. If only you were single and unattached. I would surely love to take you out, if that were the case."

It is important to note that she is not MARRIED to this other guy.
If she were married, I would say just stay the hell away from her and him.

 

Can't hurt, eh? At worst, you get told 'no.'

OK, so it could have an effect on your relationship, too. Still, do you want to go on being bothered by wondering, wondering, wondering...?

 

Maybe if you want someone who would cheat on you and/or want her boyfriend to come beat your face in.

 

Home wrecker.

 

No, and if she is showing interest in you while she has a boyfriend it is a clear cut sign that she will most likely do the same to you. But no matter what is going on, dont be the reason her and her man break it off. Karma is a mother(*)(*)(*)(*)er.

 

Keep in mind i am speaking as a person who knows all too well about being lied to and cheated on, it is a constant in my life and know what it feels like. Hell i will even go as far as saying that right now i am in a situation in which my fiance, as she may not be cheating, but i am damn sure she is just using me. It hurts a lot, and do that other guy you speak of a favor and dont put him through what i am going through. I can handle it and know i will be fine in the coming days, but he may not be able to take something like that and have a complete mental breakdown .

hurting someones heart is not the safest thing for you, especially these days where people face much more adversity and stress in their daily lives, only to find out that the person they care about the most is (*)(*)(*)(*)ing them over might push them to a point that you dont want to see. With me i have got into it with the "other guy" , but only on the condition that he actually knew about me. If the guy didnt know then i had nothing to hate him for or go after him, but i did present myself and warn them.

Just dont be that guy dude, it is not worth it no matter how fine that woman may be.

 

My three rules for dating a woman:
1. No Coworkers
2. No Friends
3. No family members of the first two.

Now when it comes to FBs and friends with benefits then I just stay way from coworkers. I also make it very clear what the arrangement will be just sex. A lot of people struggle with keeping physical and emotional attachment separate. Most should proceed with caution.

 

If she really likes you and, if she is worthy of you, then she'll break it off with her current boyfriend and set her sights on you. In the meantime, keep it 'arm's length' friendly and polite. You deserve nothing less than a girl who desires you as much as you do her...albeit from afar right now. Good luck!

 

There is nothing I love more, than going into a (*)(*)(*)(*)ty camp for a couple of weeks, to earn enough money to support the family, and hearing about some slime ball sniffing around my wife while I am gone.

However the up side is, that she always tells me about these guys, and then they have to live in fear for the rest of their lives.

 

If she hasn't brought her boyfriend up, ask her out. None of that "tell her you like her." Act like you like her and ask her out. This is a good situation to be in. If she's looking for a new boyfriend, she will say yes. If not, she will shoot you down pretty fast.

Note: If boyfriend = husband or fiance, my advice would be leave her alone.

 

Do you know her boyfriend? And if so, is he a good guy? Those are the important questions to ask yourself. Personally, if I know the guy and he's a good guy, I won't make a move. But if I don't know him or if he sucks, then who cares? Go for what you want. She'll leave him for you. Trust me. And if she really likes you, then you'll be doing her a favor anyway because now she's with somebody she likes better than the guy she was with. Don't sell yourself short. Taking a girl away from another guy doesn't always make you a jerk. Sometimes it makes you Prince Charming.

 

It is always best not to have girl friends that have boyfriends and husbands. The friend thing goes out the window as soon as the new car smell wears off.

That said, I've been in the same predicament. A girl acted like she liked me, but some other guy was hot for her and they started dating. I was a little slow to make a move. Then everytime I saw her, it made my heart ache. I was slow to act because I know girls can be one way, and another way when you get serious. I like to keep em like they were when I found them and liked them.

In my case, I was in a quandary because it was keeping me awake at night and I couldn't concentrate.
Then a strange thing happened, I met a girl who looked veeeeeery much just like her, except the new girl was so beautiful that she had a glow. I really could see an aura, and everybody would walk up to us at dinner and tell her she was gorgeous, men and women, old and young.

So I forgot about girl #1 in a flash, and fell head over heels in love with the new chick, and we stayed together for about 14 years.

While I was sulking and agonizing over girl #1, I wasn't even looking for any other girl. But this girl walked in and blew the doors off every man in the place. I had to get in line to kiss her ass.

 

My woman never used to tell me anything, unless she felt one of my friends made a play and I was being betrayed. She always told me that she always get hit on every where she goes, and we would get told that she was the most beautiful girl people ever saw, everywhere we went. I've been alive almost 60 years, and I, nor any of my friends and family has ever seen any other girl who could compare.
She was a gal who likes it rough, and the rougher you were, the better. She liked some sweet talk too, but she didn't like to be treated like a princess when we were alone. I hate to say it, but I think rape appealed to her. Men were too afraid to even talk to her mostly, and when they got close, they tried to buy her, or impress her with something. She just wanted a man to take control and take what they wanted.

So nowadays I don't judge them female books by the cover much.

 

Photos, please.

 

Naww, that's cute

Yeah, if she seems into you it'd be wise to at least hint at the possibility of something happening. Do it in a way that preserves your friendship if she doesn't reciprocate (unless you don't care about that).

That I wouldn't like someone to do that to me doesn't mean it isn't a good decision on his part. They're free adults, love is a dog-eat-dog world. That's how it should be.

They don't have to start doing it like rabbits straight away She could be responsible and break up with the boyfriend. If that's how she feels I don't see why she shouldn't go for it.

There's a whole series of greys between the 'black' of [having a sexual affair behind your boyfriend's back] and the 'white' of [deciding you like someone else more than your boyfriend and breaking up].

 

From what you describe it's possible she's cultivating you as a possible replacement. Women usually like to have another one ready before they let the present one go. Don't, however, jump to conclusions, let it be known you are available but let her make the first move, (like telling you she's just broken up with her bf) and be warned she is as likely to do this to you as time goes on, but that's just how things are.

Also, as has been said, this is a very bad place to ask any question like this. Salt whatever's said very liberally, then make up your own mind.

 

Depends so much on the situation.
How much do you like her?
How much does she like you?
Because in the long run, happiness isn't getting the girl you want the most, it's getting the girl who wants you the most....