Smartie's Hideaway Bar & Grill #35

Cheers! Ready to go to the river?

 

" Wax On ... Wax Off ! "
-- ?

 

lol I bet it does hurt !

 

Seems everyone's ona roll already. Must be Friday.
Life's good. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee, a break, weekend coming up...
no one is trying to Brazilian wax me.

 

me eother lol

 

Tried the waxing thing one time....and, that was one time too many!

 

So, we can't talk about food or drinks what about BASEBALL? How is your team shaping up? Anybody going to spring training?

Big Papi is playing for the Red Sox one more year at least. Yay!

 

Something I've always wondered...

Is a bikini wax somehow "better" than using a scissors and/or a razor and shaving cream?

 

To put it bluntly....yes, because waxing yanks the hair out by the roots, so it lasts longer and is supposedly smoother. Whatever...LOL

 

Why can't we talk about food or drinks?

As for baseball, I'm hoping to see the Rangers at least once this year, in Arlington.

 

Big Papi!! we love him in Maine gooooo red sox

 

I dunno, I keep hearing this voice saying, talk about something else! Hee hee!


I hope I get to see the Red Sox at least once this year. It's tough to get tickets to Fenway though. Sells out all the time.

 

I just don't understand the necessity of this type of grooming. Sigh.

 

Uncle John , is that you ?

 

So if the hair isn't there at all, it doesn't grow back as fast as if its cut or shaved, correct?

But this isn't permanent, right? Eventually the hair grows back and you've got to go in for another wax job?

So if I'm reading this correctly, shaving and waxing basically accomplish the same thing, but shaving is an everyday thing, while waxing isn't - waxing may be a monthly chore.

This is the same waxing procedure as women use on their eyebrows, just in a more delicate area?

 

No wonder Mary doesn't want to talk about food, with all that waxing going on around here.
Oh bother.

 

yeas , , we sure started the weekend early . oh my aching head . that new pool guy of yours drinks like a frog . sort of looks familiar

oh gosh , can ya chew those brownies a little quieter ?

'ats a good 'en .

 

Me either, Mary. I'm not into torture..LOL

 

Right, it isn't permanent, and yes it's the same thing they use on eyebrows. And, YES it's a very delicate area...LOL Makes me want to cry just thinking about the one time I tried it.

 

Oh dear, Viv created a monster...quote monster that is.

 

LOL...the next bar will be Smartie's Dew Drop In bar/bait/tanning/waxing.

 

Thing is, once its on, it has to come off, and you regret ever having had that blasted idea.

 

sorry Hb!!!! Didn't Know Your Were Conscious Yet!

 

*DING* *DING* Yes, it's a sinking feeling to know it's either "yank" or "remelt".

 

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet?"

So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S**T!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!

Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down. (*)(*)(*)(*)!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"

She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my hand reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!!

"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.


Next week I'm going to try hair color . . . . . .