Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Doctor on the phone: Mr. Martin, I'm calling to let you know your wife is here at the hospital for emergency treatment.

Mr. Martin: Is she all right?

Doctor: I hate to have to tell you she's critical.

Mr. Martin: You'll have to get used to that, she's always that way.

 

Gawd Nonnie, where do you find these?

 

I'm pretty sure he does them himself. Thank God he can't post.his dreams.

 

Back of cereal boxes.

 

No wonder you have nightmares.

 

I heard it from my parents, I am telling it to my children, and my children will tell it to their children, no matter in which country they will live.

 

Money saving tip for Turks and Syrians. To save money on funeral costs, just leave family members buried where they are at.

 

Too soon.

 

errror

 

Bit like engineers.

 

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story:

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record,
so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to
know, in order to save my Norman's life.

Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and
say goodbye.

I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was. Even as he was fading away,
he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"

That was my Norman! Always thinking of others."

 

Ok, I wait for the dust to settle.

 

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the
hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see
him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The
bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cries
the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?" "The
good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a
woman's arm and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the
transplant." "Go for it doc," says the man, "as long as I can play
golf again." The operation went well and a year later the man was out
on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new
arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm
playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch
and my putting has really improved." "That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved.
I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting
landscapes in watercolours." "That's unbelievable!" said the surgeon,
"I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you
having any side effects?" "Well, just two," said the golfer, "I have
trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection, I get a
headache."

 

A tourist asks a Martian: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards
off their boats?"

To which the Martian replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be
in the bloody boat."

 

When I come out with jokes, they're just jokes, they're not me. I take on any view to make the joke funny. I take on any view, I pretend to be right wing, I pretend to be left wing, I pretend to be clever, I pretend to be stupid, just whatever it takes to make the joke funny, without prejudice.

Okay, full disclosure, in real life of course I support trans rights, of course I support all human rights, and trans rights are human rights. You know, live your best life, use your preferred pronouns, be the gender that you feel you are. But meet me half way ladies, just lose the penis.