Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    It's because they don't **** with us like we do them. Trust me, if they shut off exports of rare earths and coltan and refused our navy ships you'd get to know a lot of their politicians.
    A better analogy would be Americans are like rappers, the more they piss off other people the happier.
     
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  2. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Grrrrr.
    Dog is a much better meat.
     
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  3. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Ignorance is nothing to be proud of.
     
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  4. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    We’re incognito!
     
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  5. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on TV and radio

    1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator –
    'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

    2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator –
    'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

    3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator –
    'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

    4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 –
    'Ah, isn't that nice.. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew..'

    5. US PGA Commentator –
    'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ........ Oh my God! What have I just said??'

    6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said:
    'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

    7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
    'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?'
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

    8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
    'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

    9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
    'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

    10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
    'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

    11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
    'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

    12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
    'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
     
  6. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    May as well go for the baker's dozen.

    13. ''He couldn't quite get his leg over''
     
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  7. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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  8. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Some of his imitators
    "Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." - Ian Wright

    "They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around." - Terry Venables

    "Michael Owen to Newcastle is the biggest transfer of the season so far - and it will be until there's a bigger one." - Jim White

    "I can learn as much from Darius Vassell as he can from me - but he can learn more" - Andrew Cole

    "I'd like to have seen Tony Morley left on as a down-and-out winger." - Jimmy Armfield

    "I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years." - Martin Hodge
     
  9. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    I remember a Henry Blofeld getting the giggles after reading a letter from Mr. Biggin.
     
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  10. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Blofeld is a living legend. I really miss his contributions to test match cricket.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
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  11. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    *
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  12. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    everything you'll ever need to know about australia...
    • mad max
    • crocodile dundee
     
  13. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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  14. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Is she that good that she could play the straight man for that long with a straight face or is she that clueless?
     
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  15. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Definitely the former.
    ''you have no idea how big my purse is'' was genius.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
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  16. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    I had to download it so I can watch it over and over.
     
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  17. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    I have no doubt about the size of her "purse" after a squirting out a few kids.







    After all, she has to haul around diapers, toys, etc. for the ankle biters. It's prolly closer to a shopping bag in size. :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
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  18. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    And Cheerios. Her purse has to have ooohhhhs
     
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  19. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    And..
     
  20. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Let's not forget Sir Les Patterson.
     
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  21. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    He’s awful!
     
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  22. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Are you saying that he doesn't represent the average Australian man?
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
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  23. FoxHastings

    FoxHastings Banned

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    DAME EDNA !!! I forgot about her,... or him !
    Thanks for the good memories.....I loved her!
     
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  24. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Alternate meanings
    From The Washington Post
    1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
    2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
    3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
    4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
    5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
    6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
    7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
    8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
    9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
    10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
    11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
    12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
    13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
    14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
    15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
    16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
     
  25. Nonnie

    Nonnie Banned at Members Request Past Donor

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    Another funny one I saw years ago was Sir Les making a speech at a wedding, putting a drunk voice on. Part of his speech was, "I just like to say the fish fingers, beans and chips were lovely" (or along those lines). That tickled me.
     
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