Your child says I'm gay. What do you do?

Discussion in 'Gay & Lesbian Rights' started by smileyface, Jul 31, 2011.

  1. yasureoktoo

    yasureoktoo Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2018
    Messages:
    9,808
    Likes Received:
    2,351
    Trophy Points:
    113
    I would ask him why he thinks you're gay.
     
  2. Johnny-C

    Johnny-C Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Messages:
    34,039
    Likes Received:
    429
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    And I'll add:

    SHOW THAT LOVE, to the best of your ability.
     
  3. Polydectes

    Polydectes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2010
    Messages:
    52,645
    Likes Received:
    17,648
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    nothing. It's not a big deal and you shouldn't make it one.
     
  4. Empress

    Empress Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2014
    Messages:
    3,142
    Likes Received:
    913
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Tell them they're probably listening to too much bullshit in popular culture and let their bodies come into sexual maturity.

    I wouldn't give a kid a hard time about it if they ended up gay as an adult, but I certainly would wonder if it was caused by a trauma somewhere which created a dysfunction.
     
  5. Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt

    Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt Newly Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2016
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    8
    In my opinion, I would not raise a stink over it, but I would encourage my child to wait until he/she is an adult and capable of seeing things from an adult perspective before making that decision.
     
  6. Eretria

    Eretria Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2017
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    335
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    I stumbled onto the answer one evening and brought it up to my son. He started to shake and then he began to cry when he told me. I was so taken aback by his response.....It broke my heart. I grabbed him and hugged him tightly and told him that I always knew he was gay and was only waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to tell me and his father. Then I told him we loved him so much and that we created him so how could we not love him. He is perfect just the way he is. His brothers didn't think twice about it and neither did our extended families.
     
  7. yguy

    yguy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2010
    Messages:
    18,423
    Likes Received:
    886
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Personally, I doubt you know the meaning of the word.
     
  8. Eretria

    Eretria Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2017
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    335
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm not sure I understand your point, please clarify.
     
  9. yguy

    yguy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2010
    Messages:
    18,423
    Likes Received:
    886
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    A woman's idea of love tends to be emotional; i.e., touchy-feely, huggy-kissy or whatever. That may be in order for infants, but as the child gets older it can easily be overdone, thus emotionalizing the child and increasing his susceptibility to malign societal influences which seem to multiply like rabbits. So what I'm suggesting is that his "gayness" is not innate, but rather something you've cultivated in him unawares.
     
  10. Eretria

    Eretria Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2017
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    335
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    Interesting but no. I do appreciate you taking the time to explain your earlier post.
     
  11. Guyzilla

    Guyzilla Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Messages:
    13,230
    Likes Received:
    2,062
    Trophy Points:
    113
    First thing I would say is, I am not sure you are sure. Keep your options open, and see how you feel.

    Sometimes there are phases. And feelings easily get misinterpreted in youth.

    Rebound hate etc.
     
  12. raytri

    raytri Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2004
    Messages:
    38,841
    Likes Received:
    2,142
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Actually went through this with my daughter. I shrugged and said “Okay. So?”

    They are exactly the same person before and after they tell you. Finding out they are gay or straight changes nothing.

    BTW, nice thread resurrection. Rarely see one this old.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2018
  13. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    28,370
    Likes Received:
    9,297
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    If someone rejects their own child because of religious discrimination, the "Love" for that child is at best conditional and more likely non-existent.
     
    Sallyally and ArmySoldier like this.
  14. Junkieturtle

    Junkieturtle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2012
    Messages:
    15,672
    Likes Received:
    7,174
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    I tell him the same thing I already tell my children.

    "Son(or daughter, I have each), there are loads of stupid people in this world and they will always make your life harder. They will come up with a variety of different reasons why, but the reasons don't matter because they're usually fake nonsense or entirely selfish. You're going to have to learn to survive in this world full of those stupid people. And if you can find some happiness while you do it, that's about the best anyone can hope for."
     
    roorooroo, tecoyah and Eretria like this.
  15. JakeJ

    JakeJ Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Messages:
    27,360
    Likes Received:
    8,062
    Trophy Points:
    113
    What we did - discuss practical aspects in regards to social interaction on a pragmatic level. We did/do that will all our children, unique to each one.
     
  16. JakeJ

    JakeJ Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Messages:
    27,360
    Likes Received:
    8,062
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Do you also think the children as adult should unconditionally love their parents? Or is it a one-way street?
     
  17. cd8ed

    cd8ed Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2011
    Messages:
    41,305
    Likes Received:
    31,795
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Children are brought into this world unwilling and unable to have any say in their life.
    The inverse of this fact is not true.
    So yes it’s a one way street.

    Most children do love their parents unconditionally unless they are treated poorly or neglected. Parental bonds are extremely strong and steadfast.

    Furthermore, a “Christian” rejecting a child for something they most likely have no choice in is no different that a “Muslim” rejecting their girl for wanting to not cover her face.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2018
  18. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2018
    Messages:
    10,856
    Likes Received:
    16,450
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    If they're a male tell them to use protection and point out my Uncle died of AIDS because he did not use protection. Different of course when in long term relationships but gay men are generally promiscuous when single and young. Almost like Guys are randy lol. Although interestingly Lesbian marriages are twice as likely as straight or 2 men who are married to fail.

    A girl I would be less worried as the risks of serious STD's are very low in lesbian relationship.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  19. cerberus

    cerberus Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    25,530
    Likes Received:
    5,363
    Trophy Points:
    113
    It's the practical aspects of it that I can't come to terms with. On the other hand if someone finds a soul-mate who is the same gender, I'd wish them all the luck in the world for a happy union irrespective of the reason(s). To find a soul-mate is one of the best things that can happen for a human being.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  20. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    28,370
    Likes Received:
    9,297
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    May I remind you of what this thread actually is?
    "
    >
    Your child says I'm gay. What do you do?"

    Or do you still feel the need to distract?
     
  21. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2018
    Messages:
    10,856
    Likes Received:
    16,450
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    For me the response is very much down to age

    if I had a 3 year old who said he was gay I would think where did he/she hear that?

    If I had a 9 year old I already explained my position

    If they were 13 I would warn them about coming out at school and stress their need to communicate with me.

    18 years old I'd tell them we've known for years.
     
  22. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2017
    Messages:
    11,186
    Likes Received:
    3,372
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    I'd ask who their mother was, and tell them, if they wanted any alimony, blame their mother for hiding them, then just ask where the Hell they were for the past x amount of years.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
    Pardon_Me, cd8ed and roorooroo like this.
  23. Polydectes

    Polydectes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2010
    Messages:
    52,645
    Likes Received:
    17,648
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    So you think reassuring a child that they are loved by their parents when they think they may not be is "emotionalizing" them?
     
  24. Pardon_Me

    Pardon_Me Banned

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2018
    Messages:
    911
    Likes Received:
    881
    Trophy Points:
    93
    The kids at my Daughter's middle school change sexual orientation/gender identities like flavors of the month. they talk about it, support events and parades and, draw all sorts of Rainbow art for their social media in support of anything one could imagine of being.(And some ya wouldn't even believe possible heh!).

    I doubt there would be any need for her to have a scary sounding dramatic talk. Most likely it would just be incorporated into the morning chatter...

    But if she did come to me in all seriousness, to tell me, I would probably say:

    "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.
    I have something to tell you too. I'm a straight, white, female. Polish, but I don't like polka music or galumpkis, I'm a right leaning independent, who voted Trump."
    I hope you still love me." And then we would probably both laugh our heads off and hug.

    And then I would add seriously, "Never, ever forget, your family loves you, and we always have your back no matter what! Capiche?"
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
  25. Daggdag

    Daggdag Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2010
    Messages:
    15,668
    Likes Received:
    1,957
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    The sad thing is that there are several "parents", especially among far right "Christians" who would turn their backs on their own children if they were gay. They are failures as both parents and Christians.
     
    cd8ed likes this.

Share This Page