Your child says I'm gay. What do you do?

I would ask him why he thinks you're gay.

 

And I'll add:

SHOW THAT LOVE, to the best of your ability.

 

nothing. It's not a big deal and you shouldn't make it one.

 

Tell them they're probably listening to too much bullshit in popular culture and let their bodies come into sexual maturity.

I wouldn't give a kid a hard time about it if they ended up gay as an adult, but I certainly would wonder if it was caused by a trauma somewhere which created a dysfunction.

 

In my opinion, I would not raise a stink over it, but I would encourage my child to wait until he/she is an adult and capable of seeing things from an adult perspective before making that decision.

 

I stumbled onto the answer one evening and brought it up to my son. He started to shake and then he began to cry when he told me. I was so taken aback by his response.....It broke my heart. I grabbed him and hugged him tightly and told him that I always knew he was gay and was only waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to tell me and his father. Then I told him we loved him so much and that we created him so how could we not love him. He is perfect just the way he is. His brothers didn't think twice about it and neither did our extended families.

 

Personally, I doubt you know the meaning of the word.

 

I'm not sure I understand your point, please clarify.

 

A woman's idea of love tends to be emotional; i.e., touchy-feely, huggy-kissy or whatever. That may be in order for infants, but as the child gets older it can easily be overdone, thus emotionalizing the child and increasing his susceptibility to malign societal influences which seem to multiply like rabbits. So what I'm suggesting is that his "gayness" is not innate, but rather something you've cultivated in him unawares.

 

Interesting but no. I do appreciate you taking the time to explain your earlier post.

 

First thing I would say is, I am not sure you are sure. Keep your options open, and see how you feel.

Sometimes there are phases. And feelings easily get misinterpreted in youth.

Rebound hate etc.

 

Actually went through this with my daughter. I shrugged and said “Okay. So?”

They are exactly the same person before and after they tell you. Finding out they are gay or straight changes nothing.

BTW, nice thread resurrection. Rarely see one this old.

 

If someone rejects their own child because of religious discrimination, the "Love" for that child is at best conditional and more likely non-existent.

 

I tell him the same thing I already tell my children.

"Son(or daughter, I have each), there are loads of stupid people in this world and they will always make your life harder. They will come up with a variety of different reasons why, but the reasons don't matter because they're usually fake nonsense or entirely selfish. You're going to have to learn to survive in this world full of those stupid people. And if you can find some happiness while you do it, that's about the best anyone can hope for."

 

What we did - discuss practical aspects in regards to social interaction on a pragmatic level. We did/do that will all our children, unique to each one.

 

Do you also think the children as adult should unconditionally love their parents? Or is it a one-way street?

 

Children are brought into this world unwilling and unable to have any say in their life.
The inverse of this fact is not true.
So yes it’s a one way street.

Most children do love their parents unconditionally unless they are treated poorly or neglected. Parental bonds are extremely strong and steadfast.

Furthermore, a “Christian” rejecting a child for something they most likely have no choice in is no different that a “Muslim” rejecting their girl for wanting to not cover her face.

 

If they're a male tell them to use protection and point out my Uncle died of AIDS because he did not use protection. Different of course when in long term relationships but gay men are generally promiscuous when single and young. Almost like Guys are randy lol. Although interestingly Lesbian marriages are twice as likely as straight or 2 men who are married to fail.

A girl I would be less worried as the risks of serious STD's are very low in lesbian relationship.

 

It's the practical aspects of it that I can't come to terms with. On the other hand if someone finds a soul-mate who is the same gender, I'd wish them all the luck in the world for a happy union irrespective of the reason(s). To find a soul-mate is one of the best things that can happen for a human being.

 

May I remind you of what this thread actually is?
"
>
Your child says I'm gay. What do you do?"

Or do you still feel the need to distract?

 

For me the response is very much down to age

if I had a 3 year old who said he was gay I would think where did he/she hear that?

If I had a 9 year old I already explained my position

If they were 13 I would warn them about coming out at school and stress their need to communicate with me.

18 years old I'd tell them we've known for years.

 

I'd ask who their mother was, and tell them, if they wanted any alimony, blame their mother for hiding them, then just ask where the Hell they were for the past x amount of years.

 

So you think reassuring a child that they are loved by their parents when they think they may not be is "emotionalizing" them?

 

The kids at my Daughter's middle school change sexual orientation/gender identities like flavors of the month. they talk about it, support events and parades and, draw all sorts of Rainbow art for their social media in support of anything one could imagine of being.(And some ya wouldn't even believe possible heh!).

I doubt there would be any need for her to have a scary sounding dramatic talk. Most likely it would just be incorporated into the morning chatter...

But if she did come to me in all seriousness, to tell me, I would probably say:

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.
I have something to tell you too. I'm a straight, white, female. Polish, but I don't like polka music or galumpkis, I'm a right leaning independent, who voted Trump."
I hope you still love me." And then we would probably both laugh our heads off and hug.

And then I would add seriously, "Never, ever forget, your family loves you, and we always have your back no matter what! Capiche?"

 

The sad thing is that there are several "parents", especially among far right "Christians" who would turn their backs on their own children if they were gay. They are failures as both parents and Christians.