Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

I'm behind the president 137% on this. His missions to Mars A Lago could lead to reestablishing normal relations with them and perhaps all Americans will benefit from their chocolate cake.

 

Did you know ... A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!) ... A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death ... (Creepy ... I'm still not over the pig) ... The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body ... The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off ... (Honey, I'm home ... What the ...?) ... The flea can jump 350 times its body length ... It's like a human jumping the length of a football field ... (30 minutes ... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) ... The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds ... (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) ... Some lions mate over 50 times a day ... (I still can't believe that pig ... quality over quantity) ... Butterflies taste with their feet ... (Something I always wanted to know) ... Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump ... (Okay, so that would be a good thing) ... A cat's urine glows under a black light ... (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out) ... An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain ... (I know some people like that) ... Starfish have no brains ... (I know some people like that, too) ... Polar bears are left-handed ... (Talk about a southpaw) ... Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure ... (What about that pig? ... Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

 

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.
After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the engine. 50% is for perfect reassembly of the engine. I gave you another 50% on top because you did it all through the exhaust pipe!"

 

Thank God, a sallyally fix at last .Withdrawal was setting in.

 

Did you ever hear of the Dropkin fart?

 

A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".



A hospital spokesman replied:

"Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”





Imagine Nancy with an unpainted face

 

Boom, tish. But seriously folks, take my wife!

 

Dr. Drobkin was a world-famous cardiologist who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his hometown and then left for Manhattan where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference held in his hometown. He walked on stage, placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor.

As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted. The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the lecture room and reverberated it down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his hometown again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Cohen and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Cohen?"

Dr. Drobkin replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here, received my education here, but then moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him, "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Drobkin replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my embarrassment."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Drobkin Fart?"

 

We ALL know looks aren't as important to women!

 

Happy New Year Sallyally

 

You' re too late. I believe it's already Jan 3rd in Australia.

 

Happy new year to you Monkey.

 

Two men are roommates in a hospital. Because they are both weak from sickness, the men are unable to speak for weeks.
Finally, one man says to the other, “American.”
His roommate replies, “Canadian.”
Another week goes by and the first man says weakly, “Danny.”
The roommate can only reply, “Phil.”
Another week passes and the first man mutters to his roommate, “Cancer.”
His roommate replies back, “Virgo.”

 

Happy New Year Sallyally

 

Thank you. Happy New Year to you Imnotreallyhere

 

Happy New Year to all and if you don't know what you will be doing this year then you don't have 2020 vision!

 

Happy New Year DT.

 

Got sick of rubbing my wife's feet so the last time she asked I finally told her no, and let me tell you...
...hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.

 

LOL

And I Did Too!

 

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

 

An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.
When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?"

The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

 

You know what I like about our Aussies here? No sense of shame.