My Second Life and other Secrets

@HereWeGoAgain Honest question; do you believe in love and have you even ever been in love?

 

If you read the thread or just the first page, I tell how I fell in love with my first sugar baby; more in love than I thought possible to love anyone. It was an alI-consuming love that overwhelmed me completely for the three years we were together. It was the most powerful experience of my life.

I have been in love four or five times... I was engaged twice and married for over 25 years.

And funny you should ask. Because I came to say that things with 14 have taken a dramatic turn! More and more we find that we are fantastically compatible. Our time spent just talking and eating and laughing is awesome. But more than that, the sex has gone from great to pure magic. I have been noticing that her enthusiasm seems to be growing. Her demeanor has changed and she is showing more and more passion. But last night was a game changer. I've known for about a month now that I'm falling for her. And last night it became clear that she is developing feelings for me as well.

No doubt about it: Last night we made love. It was pure magic. And it is the first time I have felt this with anyone since Number One left almost three years ago. This is what I have been trying to find again. It is more than mind blowing that she also happens to be the most beautiful woman I've met. I'm still trying to get my head around that! How could I get so lucky?!?!

It took 119 coffee dates!

 

A few thoughts. The thread is so long that I wanted to highlight a few things.

I've been playing the long odds. My first sugar relationship taught me that these can be fantastically rewarding relationships. There are no rules and it is what you make it! But I know I'm asking a lot - hoping for a lot. Finding that deep connection with someone 30 years younger than me is no small challenge. So I figured I need to play the numbers and meet as many woman as possible. If it can happen once it can happen twice. But I also hoped it wouldn't take so long! I hoped it wouldn't take almost three years to feel love again!

I've actually been on 120 coffee dates. Funny enough, my 120th was a catching up date with Number One, whom I haven't seen in over two years. We spent several hours talking and had a wonderful visit.

I estimate about 1 in 5 or 6 online contacts led to a coffee date. Say 1 in 5.
About 1 in 10 profile reads or sent messages led to contact

So over 2.5 years I've considered or contacted somewhere around 6000 women that resulted in 119 coffee dates, and 13 sugar babies. I guess you can't say it's all luck! I've busted my butt and taken a hell of a beating. But I've had many wonderful evenings and experiences as well. It has been quite an education in more ways than I can count.

This is the hardest part: How long will it last? Being willing to let go and accept that these relationships are finite is the key. But I hope we have at least a few years. Given her career track and age, it is possible. But there is no way to know. So it comes back to living in the moment and enjoying it while it lasts.

We were talking in bed one night and I went to say something about Number One [14 knows all about her]. I couldn't think of her name for a moment! Wow!!!

We are definitely planning a threesome. That's what she wants for her birthday. LOL! So this is the second time I will act as wingman for a woman to find her a bisexual lover to join us. Ten years ago I couldn't have imagined this in my wildest dreams after taking LSD. But part of me worries a little too. Something like this can cause problems. The truth be known, if she didn't want to do it so much, I would rather not. But my number one rule is "Whatever the lady wants!".

I never posted this, but after 13 and had our threesome with the woman who is now 14, 13 wanted me to arrange that we have sex while other people are watching! LOL! I don't know where that was going and I guess I never will - perhaps for the best!

 

A few more things I've been thinking about or wanted to mention.

I said that I've been chasing women 30 years younger than me. Really that is the limit, not the norm. I set a lower limit of age 21, which happens to be the age of my current SB. But that depends greatly on their intelligence and degree of sophistication. I've met women about that age who were still kids. No way! My first SB was 21 when we met. And she seemed more mature than my ex wife. The same is true for my current sb. She is extremely intelligent and very sophisticated for her age. Not for a moment do I feel like this is a child. Nor is she some hard-luck case. She has a 3.95 GPA in her senior year at a major University. And she has already been honored for outstanding academic achievement. She just happens to like older men. And she has a very strong sex drive. And like just about all sugar babies, she is adventurous and a risk taker.

Also, I've seen women ranging from 21 to 40. I had one sugar baby who may have been a little over 40. My primary litmus test is simple. If she's beautiful, I read her profile and went from there. She didn't have to be 20 something. I want a real relationship but she has to grab my attention before I would contact anyone. That is one of the advantages of doing this. You can be as picky as you please. I would say the least attractive woman I've seen was very pretty. The rest have been, in locker-room terms, hot to smoking hot! Like Number One, 14 is breathtaking. But even in this world, "hot" is only fun for a time unless there is more going on.

While this is an expensive lifestyle in the view of many people, as sugar daddies go, I'm poor. But it didn't take long to learn that once you filter out the escorts and scammers, there are plenty of women who are willing to be reasonable if you genuinely like and enjoy each other. In the beginning there will be certain expectations based on your profile and such. That can vary greatly. And once you get to know each other, and if you really like each other, you can generally find something that allows for more time together without breaking the bank, The fact is, they are doing this because they have needs. They aren't all greedy. They need someone to help take care of them. I basically put Number One through college. And many SBs would rather get along for less with someone they care about. Number One and 14 are completely out of my league. But they don't really care about that. What matters is that I'm a good man who takes cares of himself, is caring and responsible, and treats them like they're the most important woman on earth. And that's a fact. To me they are. And of course for that next level, we have to have that special something - intellectual compatibility, personal chemistry, sexual chemistry... whatever the ingredients are that make magic.

I am noticing an interesting dynamic with 14. I have such a history now that this in itself is appealing to her. She always wants to know about the other women I've seen. She wants to see their photos. And because she likes women too, she gets hot when she looks. LOL! They don't generally send nudes but definitely a sexy shot or two, or ten. The fact that I've seen so many hot women makes her hot! How's that for a positive feedback mechanism?

I have learned more about women in the last [going on] six years than all the years before. For one, these relationships tend towards very causal discussions about sex... maybe because the young women today are so comfortable with sex. Many even like porn now. So there is that. And not only have I met and spent time with and talked with a lot of women, I've studied and read a great deal about female sexuality... maybe thousands of hours - everything from forum discussions to How-To videos and anatomy videos. And it shows. You can certainly teach an old dog new tricks. Women appreciate it when you make the effort. I think this is especially true for the younger women. Young guys can be real hit and run. Take your time to take care of them and they will get a twinkle in their eye. For example, 13 was tough to get off. But I always made sure to take care of her first. There were times I was sweating like a marathon runner! She said no one had ever done that for her before.

I've ended all but two of the relationships. Generally I can tell withing a few weeks to a few months if we are going to spark or not. I had to discipline myself and end things if it wasn't going where I want. I had to keep my eye on the prize. It is easy to settle when you're "settling" with a gorgeous young woman. But I know it can be so much more than that. So as soon as I knew she wasn't going to be the one, I would move on.

 

A few of the more interesting things that I've learned:

There is definitely something unique about sexual chemistry. The most striking example for me was surprising. There was one woman I met for coffee and had a great time. So we met for lunch and had a great time again. The conversation was easy, we had a natural affinity, we were looking for the same thing... we laughed a lot. We met for dinner and agreed to move ahead. We definitely seemed to be a great match. So we went back to my place for an evening and eventually made it to the bedroom, But as soon as we took off our clothes and got into bed, it was like the Great Wall of China went up. And it wasn't just her or me, it was mutual. It took a bit to sink in because it was so unexpected. So we had sex. But by the time we were done we could both hardly wait to get out of there. There was no doubt about it. Something changed like someone flipping a switch. Neither of us had misrepresented ourselves. She looked good. It is hard to imagine what it could have been. I would say pheromones but I don't think those have been shown to be active or exist in humans [clinically]. The only thing that makes sense physiologically is that we were exposed to a large surface of bare skin, and smells. She didn't smell bad or anything like that. So I keep thinking it must be exposure to the skin somehow. Some kind of chemistry going on, literally. Just a guess but it hard to imagine what else it could be.

I've experienced the opposite - the bedroom relationship - as well. Nothing else really works but you get in bed and its hot! But after 5 or 10 dates, you start to realize that you really don't have anything else going. But the sex is awesome.

Without exception, any escort [I saw escorts for a time right after I left my wife] or sugar baby who has discussed this agrees that they have a sex drive more typical of men than women. Generally speaking, men can separate the physical from the emotional side of sex easily. We can combine the two, but most men don't have to be emotionally involved to get aroused. Typically, woman do; perhaps the majority. I don't know the percentages but many women do not easily separate the physical side of sex from the emotional side. That is why many woman cannot begin to understand how escorts can do what they do. But there are woman who are more like men. They can appreciate sex for the sake of sex. If they also have a strong sex drive and are okay with older men, the idea of making big bucks to screw around doesn't sound so bad. For a typical sugar baby, it is more a friends with benefits type of relationship unless they take it to the next level like I do. But it has been interesting. I've brought this up many times and without exception, they immediately agreed. They have a sex drive like a man. Let me say, I like that! I have learned to look for and recognize the signs.

I have been surprised at how kinky women can be. A woman with a strong sex drive will surprise you! At least it has me. There was one young lady I had been seeing for a time. We didn't have the greatest relationship but it worked for a time. One night I asked if she had any fetishes she'd like to explore. She just about jumped off the couch and blurted out "Yeah! Ropes!!!" She had been dying for someone to tie her up. I said I had some restraints with straps. But she said, no, she wants ropes! Wow... okay then. Whatever the lady wants. That was the strangest trip to the hardware store I've ever made. There was another who wanted to be spanked hard. About 80% of women like to be spanked. But most women like playful spanking. This girl couldn't get enough and wanted a hard spanking. I wouldn't swat her as hard as she wanted me to. But it sure made her hot. Again, wow. And getting a little explicit, while I don't swing this way, there are some women who really get off on anal. It seems that in some women, the deep G spot is located close enough to the rectum that they can be sexually stimulated rectally, and orgasm. BUT, contrary to the popular belief perpetuated by internet porn, most women do not like anal. It hurts! That is one of the biggest complaint that I've heard about young men. They all want anal! There are some women who genuinely like it, as opposed to just trying it a few times; perhaps 10% from what I've read. But for most, from what I've been told by women, it is a point of contention. They get tired of young guys always pushing for anal.

A lot of young men have messed themselves up with too much internet porn and too much masturbation. They become unable to form real relationships and often suffer from porn induced erectile dysfunction. The part of brain that tells them to get sexually aroused has been overstimulated so much that it doesn't send the signal any more; esp with a real person, which isn't as stimulating as wicked Wanda tied up and being whipped, on a video. So, they can't get it up anymore with a real woman. A guy my age can have more mojo going than a guy in his twenties. Also, a lot of women don't want to get seriously involved until they get older. This all creates a niche for us older guys. The young women start looking at older men as an option. We treat them better. We're more respectful. We appreciate them more. Generally we accept that we're too old to marry them, so we're safe. And we have the means to help them out.

 

I would say that a 21 year old who goes out with an old grandpa obviously has some serious issues and thus is not to be considered sophisticated at all. Are you sure you are not using the poor little things?

Although this thread stinks of pathetic and bs it does not make it any less creepy.

 

You would think! But even with escorts, the old stereotypes are falling away. It isn't like some tv cop show. The internet has revealed that a plenty of perfectly normal young women are okay with this lifestyle for a time. The fact is, men don't look at women the same way women look at men.

What you are really doing is transferring your feelings about older women onto them. You are telling us how you feel about older women. You can't see a man through the eyes of a young woman.

Note also that there is a long and rich history of older men having mistresses, kept women, one or even many wives who are very young. It is as old as the human race. It has always had its place. In some cultures, the equivalent of high-end escorts were even respected and held a relatively high position in society.

 

Hey, I am all for prostitution, but you bragging about wooing them is very bothersome and lame.

 

One of the more salient lessons I've learned is the danger of experimenting with kink. All in all, everyone has a fetish or two. People often want to explore them or kink in general. But there is always a risk unless you've been done something before. There is a line and you don't know where it lies. Everything can be fun and games and suddenly take a turn. What was fun now seems weird or even disturbing. And worst of all, damage can be done before you know you've crossed the line.

The most striking story I've heard came from a man, I believe in his 30s, whose wife had a rape fantasy. She came to him and said she'd like to explore that with some role playing. He was tentative but it was just for fun, right? So they engaged in their fantasy rape. And for some reason, his wife was so disturbed by the experience that she could never look at him the same way, and left him. They had been married for quite some time and the poor guy was devastated. It was HER idea! But that didn't matter. It disturbed her and she couldn't escape her feelings.

I had a minor experience with this as well. But luckily I already knew about the danger of exploring and nipped it in the bud. Early in our relationship, my first sb wanted to try hot candle wax. It isn't really supposed to be kinky as much as sensual and soothing as warm wax runs over your body. It was likened to having a massage and she wanted to try it. I had no idea what this was all about but did my homework and learned how to do it. [You do have to do your homework or someone can get hurt!]. It was pretty dumb and she ended feeling weird about it. The next time I saw her, she said it left her feeling weird and she seemed to be blaming me for it! HEY! That was your idea, remember? I objected. I didn't even know what it was. "Oh yeah", she replied hesitantly. Already she had taken the negative feelings about the wax play, and transferred those feelings to me. So it was nothing but missionary for six months! LOL!!! It is fun to play but I wanted to be sure she didn't think I needed kink. And it was a close call. I almost lost her over that. For a moment she wasn't looking at me the same way anymore.

Perhaps the most fascinating stories I heard came from a women with whom I talked a great deal. She was in her late 30s and has a presence on the internet in another professional capacity. But she lives a secret life of 24/7 dom and sub with her husband. She is his sub 24 hours a day. If he wants to tie her up and do whatever, they go to their dungeon - yes they have their own basement filled with equipment. They are heavily into BDSM and group activities. It was a chance to talk with someone living an extreme lifestyle, just to see what it's like. She was highly intelligent as was her husband [he was of notable accomplishment] but kinky! Some of her stories would definitely be beyond the realm of experience of most people. But this was also 24 hour dom and sub. One day we were talking and she said she heard the shower stop so she has to go. Why? I asked. Her husband was getting out of the shower and she had to go dry him off. LOL!

I won't even describe what but while exploring a hook up site for just about anything you could want, I had some very strange offers; including doing disgusting things to women while their husbands watched. In another extreme sense, one women wanted two men to have their first homosexual experience while she watched. I met another woman for lunch who seemed very nice. She was close to 40, attractive, and seemed fun. We had a great lunch. Then she asked if I would mind if she brought her whips when we get together. I laughed and said, oh sure! But she looked me in the eye and said she was serious. And do I like pain? She might have let that cat out of the bag BEFORE we met for lunch and made another date. But the ringer was the women I met for coffee who seemed pleasant enough. She was attractive and seemed to be on the same page... right up until she said she used to be a man [I actually met her on a sugar baby site, not the hook up site]. That scared the hell out of me because I couldn't tell.

How kinky does it get? For some people into kink, a defibrillator is standard equipment; in case someone's heart stops.

 

You're delusional.

I'm female, and know lots of other females. No young woman is ever going to date an old man unless there is money, power, or celebrity involved. ESPECIALLY attractive young women. They do not 'love' you. They probably barely even like you. Some probably despise you and laugh at you with their friends after 'work'. It's all fake. You have no clue who or what women are.

Attractive and well-adjusted young women do not need to ever consider an old man (and who would, seriously. the very idea is repulsive to all young women .. no matter how much you kid yourself otherwise), therefore the only ones who do are necessarily insane, or gold-diggers.

If you cannot deal with a women your own age, who is more likely to value you for your authentic self - because you don't believe you have sufficient personal merit - just own it.

 

This from a woman who thinks teenagers aren't sexual. You haven't a clue. You live in a fantasy world and attack what you don't understand. What you say exists. But that is a very small part of what goes on. There is much more to it than that, much more that you know nothing about. Your level of understand can be found on any cheesy 1970s tv cop show.

Take the playboy bunny who saw trump. Even today she says she loved him. She was 20 something and he was older than I am. And trump is scum. I'm actually a great guy.

Beyond that, I said we I can feel love when we're together. That is not the same as being in love. Please don't generalize and dumb down my comments. Perhaps this is too complicated for you. It is a matter of feeling that magic something. When you feel it, you can't miss it. But then maybe you wouldn't know.

Number One did finally tell me she loved me after 18 months. And I know she was telling the truth because we had been making love for some time by then. When you've been having sex with a woman for over a year and she starts making love to you, you know it. But you would have no way to know that, would you.

Some percentage of young women are attracted to older men. Deal with it. And stop imposing your narrow standards on the entire female sex. I know for a fact that a lot of the women I've seen laugh at people like you for your naivety. Over the years we've had many good laughs over posts like yours.

 

Things just keep getting better and better. We just passed the six month mark, which I think makes it the longest relationship since number one, which lasted three years. I might have seen one woman for eight months but I can't be sure anymore.

We have decided to have two children - Jethro and Geraldine.

She is definitely the one. We have SUCH a good time. And her enthusiasm in bed keeps growing. That is the sure giveaway that this is really going to work. And tonight I find myself sitting here, unable to sleep because I can't stop thinking of her. That is the other sure giveaway. I fall a little more in love every time I see her.

We had an interesting moment the other night. We were talking about our threesome when she mentioned that because of me, she has used a strap on [the women used it on each other, not me! ]. She then looked at me so adoringly! It really caught me off guard. I am finding that when you help a woman explore her own sexuality in a caring and sensitive way, they really appreciate it. I've only had a half a dozen women look at me like that in my life - including my ex wife and first fiancee.

 

Oh yes, and Mr. Clean. She has been noticing that my place is always immaculate when she gets here. It always takes a little time to sink in but eventually they start noticing. She said I'm the cleanest man she's ever met! LOL! I'm sure that's not true but I do knock myself out before every date. And again I see that it scores big points. A really clean house is not only appreciated, it is a real turn on for some women. And it was obvious in her words and demeanor that she is one of them. I don't even hide it. I pointed out what I do and how everything is carefully selected, including that each smell selected is an aphrodisiac. I said I need every advantage I can get. She said, "It works!"

I have had women comment on this probably a dozen times. And Number One always said the same thing. In fact she once told me that his was why she first agreed to see me and not the other dozens of men with far more money, who would have loved to have her for a sugar baby. She said she picked me not only because we clicked so quickly, but also because of the way I live.

 

We are attracted to the same kind of women. How cool is that?!?! This led to a bit of a ritual. What started as a toe in the water, just to see how it goes, has gotten to be a thing. I pick out porn that we will both like, for our dates. We also both like porn videos that are normal - the things people really do. Nothing crazy. Just tasteful and sensual erotica. Then we watch it together as we talk. We now sometimes call our date nights, Porn and Chocolate night. But it's true. We do have the same tastes in women. That is such an unusual level on which to relate to a woman.

I was able to do this with Number One as well. This is partly how we connected in the first place. I happened to be into the video Mambo Number 5 because it was how my life felt at the time. So I mentioned it and how I still liked to watch it now and then. As it turned out, not only had she heard of it, that was Number One's favorite video when she was a little girl. So we sat and watched the video and sang along together. OMG it was like I had landed on another planet! I couldn't believe this - I was sitting in bed and comparing notes on hot women with the most beautiful woman I'd ever met. And like me, she knew all the words by heart! LOL!!! I pointed this out to 14 and shared it with her. She laughed about Number One and pointed out how even as a little girl, Number One knew she liked the ladies. No doubt about it. I like women who like women. It adds an entirely new dimension to the relationship. This notion of sexual fluidity doesn't hurt my feelings one bit! And the fact is, it is far more common in women than one would expect. Many women can appreciate the beauty of another woman, and her sexual allure, much like a man can. Based on what I've read and various surveys, the number is probably around 25-30%. That is about how many experiment with a lesbian or bisexual relationship at least once.

 

Hedy Lamarr not only made the first nude film, but also invented frequency hopping to help the war effort, which is still used today for secure radio and other transmissions.

Smart, creative, beautiful, sexy, bold, daring, and likes older men - the perfect sugar baby! So don't lose faith. There are plenty like her out there. You just have to do the work to find the right one.

The other night 14 told me something I didn't know. She has no interest in men her age. She ONLY likes older men. But she does like women her age. Darn the luck!

She also has the best relationship with her dad of anyone I've met. They are very close and she absolutely adores him; and her mom. That is nice to see. I must say, I have met a lot of women with daddy issues [abandonment, not abuse]. But what the hell; we all have issues! I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have issues as well [ex wife issues].

 

Holy crap she's been lying to me! She said she wasn't ticklish. Hee... I happened to zerbet her belly and she about went through the headboard LOL! She is INSANELY ticklish. Funny, Number One was too, and I think the only one who was until now. She lied about it too LOL!!!

 

This is another BIG lesson I've learned. This has come up a number of times in discussions at relationship forums and in many discussion with women. Obviously I can't speak for all men, but it seems that for us romantic types, women have absolutely NO IDEA how a man feels when he falls in love. In fact we feel things so differently that women sometimes won't even believe us when we say how we really feel. I remember this one young lady who was really angry at her bf. He had conveyed feelings like this to her. Because she didn't think it possible, because she couldn't imagine REALLY feeling like this, she saw it as a cheap ruse and dumped him. 14 and I were talking about this last night and she again confirmed this. She was shocked to learn that men can REALLY feel this way. She didn't believe it.

If you talk to men old enough to remember the song, many will tell you that this rates as one of the most romantic songs ever written. It conveys a real sense of how a man madly in love feels. But it you don't believe it, or if you don't get it, it is sickening sweet ear candy. If you get it and the meaning is real, if you've been there, it reaches right down into your heart.

For me, love songs were at most just words. They didn't carry any emotion. When I fell in love with Number One, suddenly every cheesy love song I had ever heard, made sense. All of a sudden, I got it!!! Holy crap, it's real. And I couldn't stop listening to this particular song. It was how I felt every waking moment, every day. When I dreamed at night, I dreamed of her. To this day I can barely listen to this song without getting tears in my eyes because it takes me right back to when we first met. Every word is true! There is nothing more incredible or more wonderful than being this much in love. It is the best that life has to offer. And yes ladies, this is REALLY how some of us feel. And beyond that, it was love at first sight. That too is real.



Obviously I find myself having some of these feelings again.

 

Here is another one where we found relatively wide agreement among romantic types old enough to remember it, as a song that says it well.

Roberta made it famous but it was written by a man - James Henry Miller, better known by his stage name Ewan MacColl



Oh yes, and men really do fall in love with beauty. It is just as real as any other emotion. I will never fully understand what I experienced with Number One. I have often suspected that at first I fell in love with her beauty. But I quickly fell in love with her, as a person. Another part of me has always believed there was something far more profound at work. When we met for coffee a few months ago, I found that she has really gotten into new-age spiritualism. Not surprising, she always had a strong interest. I teased her a lot about her woo-woo stuff. She has decided we are old souls that go way back - that we were married in a previous life and continue to cross paths. Honestly, I could almost believe it.

 

Being that this page turned into a review of some of the highlights of the last six years, and because I find myself reliving all of this as I fall in love again, I wanted to mention the moment my life was changed forever. It was the most powerful experience of my life.

The first time I was having sex with Number One, I looked into her eyes, and I swear, I felt myself losing control; as if I was being pulled into a tunnel. Everything suddenly seemed surreal. I was mesmerized. I had a sense of losing myself and I remember feeling like things closing in on me. I can only describe it as an out-of-body experience. From that point on I was in a daze. I had NEVER experienced anything like this before. It was all-consuming.

I could barely function for the next three months. I couldn't work. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think of anything but her - and her eyes. Whenever I closed my eyes, all I could see were hers. When I did manage to sleep, I dreamed of her. And until she finally walked away three years later, she was my entire world, every minute of every day. And I would have done anything to be with her forever. In fact I scared myself one night because I couldn't think of anything I wouldn't be willing to do, to make her mine. I was completely out of control.

I've had infatuations and crushes before. And I've been in love a few times. But this was completely beyond anything I had ever experienced before. Even now, just reflecting on it fills me with emotions. It was the single more powerful experience I have ever had. It led to more joy, more ecstasy, more bliss, and more sorrow than I have ever known. When she left, I cried more than for all I have ever lost before. I cried every day for two months. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sometimes it's hard to not believe that God sent me an angel.

 

We are into new territory and I don't have a map. She is more than receptive to being romanced. Until now it has been all about falling for someone and winning her heart. I hadn't thought much past that LOL! She texted me this morning and said she had an erotic dream about me last night. So if she's being honest then I have certainly gotten into her head. And I have no reason to doubt her at this point. She has always been straight with me.

I was so used to holding back my feelings with Number One that I'm having a hard time adjusting. And I don't know how far she wants to take this. I worry a little that she is enamored with the idea of being romanced. Likewise, I need to be careful because I fell in love with falling in love. I want to move forward but not on false pretenses. And I'm not sure what moving forward means. I guess time will tell. What I do know is that I fall a little more in love every time I see her. And she responds in kind. And the sex has moved into the spectacular zone. Damn we are good together!!! I like to tell her how many Os she is going to have tonight, and then come through.

Blazing new trails!

It is kind of fun to have no idea what happens next. But that's the great thing about the sugar world. You can make all your own rules.

I have also learned something really valuable. I can't believe I never ran across this before. Women don't have a refractory period like men do. They might get sore but don't actually need time to recover for the next. How did I miss that one?!?! This yields great benefits with strategic planning. And 14 is receptive to all three types of Os. That really makes it fun. [Technically, there are reported to be five different kinds for women]

Turned out I still needed to get closure with Number One. All of these feelings I'm having for 14 forced the issue. So I let her have it. I said all the things I had always held back because I didn't want to make her feel guilty - nothing bad, just a clear statement of just how much I really loved and still love her. After six years I still needed to say it all at once and get it off my chest. I had never really let her hear everything! I didn't know if she would respond. But she took it the way it was intended and we talked a bit. It was good to finally tell her everything. I don't think she realized that I would have robbed a bank if she had asked. Seriously!

Oh yes! I accidentally told 14 that I am falling in love with her. I did the same damn thing with Number One. But with her it was completely Freudian. I mean to say one thing and said something else entirely! In this case I just blurted it out after making love one night. I didn't mean to say it. I didn't think about saying it. I just blurted it out involuntarily.

 

You are probably "Number Thousand" to the one you like to call "Number One". Just sayin'.

 

Being a sugar daddy can be a funny thing. You get some interesting reactions from women. I've seen women scowl and others who look confused. Others not only know what's going on but give you a wink or a nod of some kind. One night when Number One and I were getting off of an elevator, a woman next to me actually gave me a secret high five and mouthed "Wow".

The other day I was getting my hair cut. A wonderful young woman, good looking at that, who is in her late twenties now, has been cutting my hair since I left the ex. She has been my confidant and secret supporter since Number One was my entire life. I tell her pretty much everything and often get helpful feedback. We have gotten to be great friends so I talk casually. We try to keep it down but depending on the situation, sometimes other women can hear us and listen with GREAT interest.

This time there was an older [older than me] Latino woman sitting near us waiting for some chemical treatment to time out. She kept listening in with greater and greater interest as we discussed the latest events in my sugar relationship. I was also showing my hair stylist photos of my current and a former sb, that perhaps others could see. I could see her reacting in the mirror. Before long she started smiling, a lot! I kept noticing and wondering what she's thinking. By the time I left she was grinning from ear to ear and almost flirting with me. I think she got a little hot! She was being so cute and giddy that I found it quite amusing. That was definitely one of the more interesting reactions. Apparently she thinks highly sexual men are hot. Dunno. She sure liked me!

I truly love my barber. She has been a great friend through all of this.

 

I very nearly blew it. I was upset about some stuff from work. I was feeling a more lovesick than I should allow myself to feel. And then she made plans with her family for the holiday. I thought for sure we would be getting together. At that point I temporarily lost my head for the first time in six years. I insisted that she be here.

I don't know what came over me. I truly lost my head. That is not how this works and it is a sure recipe for ruining a great thing. I learned that early on. And that is exactly what I very nearly did. Then I dumped a bunch of baggage from my bad experiences on her. About 12 hours later I came to my senses. OMG what have I done?!??! Luckily I was able to talk her down. I didn't know for about two days if she was going to respond. The worst of it was that she has been wonderful. She didn't deserve any of that. It was all emotional baggage from all the times I was lied to, burned, stood up, led on, scammed for money [tried to]. There is no doubt that men take a beating doing this at times. In the beginning I was like a ship without a rudder. I had no idea what was what. But over time, you learn how to mostly identify who is who and what they are really after. There are types that usually give themselves away pretty quickly. But at first especially, you get kicked around a lot! But she is none of those things. At this point in our relationship I couldn't hope for more.

I like to think I can handle anything. Maintaining control with Number One was the challenge of a lifetime. But this one got away from me and for the first time in six years. I was feeling overwhelmed and couldn't stand the thought of not seeing her. I don't know why it suddenly got the best of me. Once I came to my senses, I tried to quickly explain the source of the anger and assure her that it had nothing to do with her. I figured at best I had one text message. That was what really hurt her. She didn't understand my anger. But once she responded and I continued to explained things she calmed down. I also reminded her that with me, she is with someone who cares about her. And I reassured her that I have always been able to control my emotions. This was an aberration. I won't pretend I don't want her here every day. But I know that just isn't reasonable - at least not usually. She finally agreed to keep seeing me.

Then came the kicker: She dumped her last SD because he did what I just did. Whew! That was very, very close.

My 2nd rule for being a SD is to respect boundaries. It is the only way that real relationships can evolve. You can't force it. You have to allow it to happen and see if it happens. You can romance, wine and dine, do whatever it takes to win her heart, but you can't insist on it. It is no different than regular dating in this regard. It is a game of sometimes gut-wrenching patience. I figured that out a long time ago. I still don't know what in the hell came over me.

Just FYI: My number one rule is do no harm. I made that rule the first time I saw an escort. Be sure the young lady isn't out of her league, or troubled, or in trouble, that sort of thing.

Number 3 rule: The first date is ALWAYS a coffee date. No exceptions, EVER!

 

We've lived similar lives. I was a good husband, father, son, etc. Then my wife of 13 years told me, "I'm tired of pretending who I am. I'm not really nice. I'm a bitch. And I want a divorce".

Then my best friend was killed as a pedestrian in a hit and run accident in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

My health deteriorated when I went from 6' 2" and 210 pounds to 280 pounds.

Now, after paying $450,000 in child support and losing two houses, I'm trying to get it back together. It's hard because I have a son in college and I'm paying 100%. My ex refuses to pay anything.

But I get up every day and go to work ...

 

Sorry to hear that. Life can turn on a dime.

How are you doing? It sounds like every day is a struggle?