Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

When I lived in Plantation while getting ready to move to Davie I found a few pounds of black powder I had no use for, I dug a shallow pit in the back yard poured it into the pit and inserted a rocket igniter, got a good distance back and fired the igniter, there was this huge foomp and dirt went flying everywhere, while a huge mushroom cloud rose into the air, my first thought was, dang glad I used a igniter or that explosion would have tossed me way back through the air.

A few minutes later my yard filled with Deputy Sheriff's, they wanted to know what happened, I showed what I did and explained why I did it, one Deputy commented I was two blocks away and that explosion shook my car, as it did to many in the area based on all of the car alarms that went off.

They didn't do anything legally, but one gave me some advice, try burning a smaller amount next time, yea no kidding.

 

One day I got a phone call from some guys working on de-mining. They had come upon an unexploded bomb and they deided the best thing to do was set it off in place. They said I'd be hearing a boom in a few minutes. I WAS 80 KMs AWAY! Sure enough windows shaking boom.

The head of the team had some great stories about getting on planes. "What do you have in your carry on sir?" "Oh, some C4, blasting caps..." He gets some great responses to that.

A classic case of the toys just get bigger.

 

The eye is photoshopped

 

That baby's as black as her eye.

She don't look like she has Madonna money, she looks like she was caught by her wife beating hubby.

 

For $25 y'know...

 

An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. "I'm sorry," St Peter said, "but Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of heavenly arrivals."

"That's cool," said the Blonde, "What does the Entrance Exam consist of?"
"Just three questions," said St Peter.
"Which are?" asked the Blonde.
"The first," said St Peter "is which two days of the week start with the letter T?" The second is "How many seconds are there in a year?"
The third is, "What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?"
"Now," said St Peter, "Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me."
So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought. (I expect you to do the same).
The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, "I have."
"Well then," said St Peter, "which two days of the week start with the letter T?"
The blonde said "Today and Tomorrow."
St Peter pondered this answer for some time and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.
"Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions," St Peter went on, "How many seconds in a year?"
The Blonde replied ,"Twelve!"
"Only twelve," exclaimed St Peter, "How did you arrive at that figure?"
"Easy," said the Blonde, "there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds."
St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, "I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision." And he walked away shaking his head.
A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonds. "I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?"
The blonde replied, "Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer."
"Really!" exclaimed St Peter, "And what is the answer?"
"I't's Andy."
"Andy??"
"Yes, Andy," said the Blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked "How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?"
"Easy," said the Blonde, "Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled."
And the Blonde entered Heaven!

 

Watch the video that launched the meme ...

 

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

 

heh. When watching tv in bed I always leave the remote control on my crotch.. That way I know Mrs. BB will never touch it.

 

She’s not interested in tv?

 

Not interested enough for her hand to get near my junk.

 

you need one of these:

 

Inventors are amazing.

 

here are a few riddles sent to me recently

and lighten up ... a trumper sent them to me
……………………………….

what is the most popular pick up line at a trump rally??

"hello darlin you sure have a nice tooth"
………………………………………………..

and what has 4 teeth and 100 feet??

the front row of a trump rally
……………………………………………….

and what does a trump supporter say after losing her virginity??

get off me daddy you are crushing my smokes
………………………………………………….

what cant a trumper eat a dill pickle??

his head wont fit in the jar
………………………………….

how does a trumper have safe sex??

lock the doors

there are many others bit these are just the top of the list I recieved

 

thems funny...

 

This **** just got real