Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Well, that excludes 99.9% of the members here then.

 

I was sitting at the restaurant bar, waiting for a table, when In the mirror I see a guy stand up and chuck a shrimp cocktail at my head. He yelled out "That's just for starters!"

 

Isn't this meant to be humour thread?

 

The royals would be a lot more interesting if they could go back to the old ways of fratricide and infanticide. I say if you're going to let them have laws that they are exempt from fratricide should be at the top of the list.

Bunch o' pansies.

 

I do find Rand Paul entertaining. The scary part is he has followers. Worse, followers who are believers.
It's good we have a president with no followers nor expectations. I guess we should all give T**** a big thank-you for giving us that.

 

A drunk got onto a tram and sat beside a woman who was holding her baby.
“Thats an ugly baby, it looks like a rat!”, he exclaimed.
The woman burst into tears and the discomforted drunk lurched away to another seat.
A man who been shopping got onto the tram and sat beside the crying woman.
“ What’s the matter? “ he asked.
“ That nasty drunk said some cruel and rude things to me.”
The kind man said “ There, there, don’t cry. Here, have a banana and take one for your monkey too.”

 

They don't like it when I post text refuting them in their cartoon thread either, even though many of their 'cartoons' are in fact reposts of text. I guess the medium only matters when they want it to.

 

Regicide might be a lot of fun too.

 

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realised that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

I'm telling you. Not to mention money saved on feeding and dressing them all.

 

I'm kinda thinking something along the lines of Sheckley's 'Seventh Victim'. Could be cool. Maybe a reality series. I'm gonna pitch it. WTH I live in SoCal

 

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree in near his home. He searches online and finds a local gorilla removal service and calls immediately.

"Is it a boy or a girl gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," says the homeowner.

The service guy says, "Alright no problem, I can do it. I'll be right there."

An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He tells the homeowner, "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him."

The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

 

Where's the magazine rack?

 

Magazine rack? That's in the living room in front of the big screen TV.