Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

That fine. Send me some. I'll just use the other side.

 

I don't do much wildlife photography, so I was super excited to get these shots. They're thought to be nearly extinct. Over-hunting has had the biggest impact on their numbers. They like to travel in packs of 2, 4, 6, 8, and up, so seeing this one out solo says something about how seriously they've been affected. I'm just glad I had my zoom.

 

The Spoon
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Very impressive!
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,'
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his
shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also
had a spoon in his shirtpocket. Then I looked around and saw that all
the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to
serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting
to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
‘If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of
making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
‘Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can
save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our
you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the
need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by
76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

 

reminds me of the time i used the public restroom, after relieving myself i started walking out without flushing nor washing my hands, when someone else exclaimed " that's disgusting, you're supposed to wash your hands", i then turned toward him and said "my d*ck is cleaner than that sink" and proceded to walk out...

true story

 

This stupid panic buying is ridiculous! I've just paid £15 for Oxo cubes!!
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The stock market's gone crazy.

 

The government have announced that all schools in Scotland and Wales will be closing from Friday. I'm genuinely shocked.
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I didn't even know there were any schools in Scotland and Wales.

 

Wokka, wokka, wokka!

 

Boom boom.

 

The Coronavirus pandemic has led to the cancellation of this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
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Silver linings and all that.

 

For once, London leading the country is a negative.
First to lockdown?

 

True story: A guy notices fight promoter Don King wash his hands before relieving himself. The guy asks Don why. King tells him he knows where his dick has been all day, but can't remember the last thing he touched.

 

God’ll get you for this!

 

No kiddin' that the Queen! and I'm an American of multiple generations of Americans! Show some respect Monkey! (she's also some po' ol' lady caught on the pot)

 

My mate's missus left him last Thursday; she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!

I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad; I've been using that powdered stuff."