Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?"
-
Mr. Jeffries: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."

 

Then why does the Democratic Party maintain a higher percentage
of Super Delegates?
Less Democratic, eh.

Democrats, 19.6%
Republican, 7%

Got Higher Standards?



Moi

No ​

 

President Obama was looking for a call girl.

He found three such girls, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, 'I am the President of The United States.
Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
She replied, $200.

To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was $100.

He then asked the redhead.
Her reply was, 'Mr.President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of energy and screw me the way you have Country, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody cent!'

 

WTF does this have to do with Tasteless Humor?

Are you intentionally trying to DERAIL this thread with these PARTISAN POLITICAL POSTS of yours?

 

Part of being , "tasteless"


BTW check out the author of
Tasteless Humor and Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

 

That FEEBLE excuse does not alter the fact that those posts are DERAILING this thread with PARTISAN POLITICS.

Are there NOT ENOUGH political threads already out there so that you have to pollute this one too?

Sad!

 

An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
-
The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

 

I'm writing a sitcom in which four people named, Joey, Chandler, Monica and Rachel meet up on a Tuesday afternoon in a Rotherham park, smoke dope, drink strong cider and chat about being unemployed. Working title: Friends With Benefits.

 

• “I was boasting my unpredictability and spontaneity to my new partner. At this moment, he slowly brought his lips to mine and whispered voluptuously, ’So, amaze me.’ I still don’t know why I burped in response.”

 

Shipwrecked Australian
A typical Australian guy, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. That is, until the ship sank! He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw materials I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.' 'But, where did you get the tools?' 'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the Island , a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' The guy is stunned. 'Let's row over to my place,' she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the Man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?' 'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?' Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?' She stares into his eyes... He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


'****ing hell, don't tell me you've got Netflix ?'

 

But can you live without us?

 

What can tell the difference between an Australian and an American?
A good eye might.

 

i rely on modern medicine... packed full of stents, baby aspirin, & statins... i'm now impervious to your kind... bring it on!

 

Very good!

 

to be honest... i'm damned if i do & damned if i don't... and i'd rather go out gleaming in bliss... meaning i'd rather not live without you gals, whateva the cost

 

Yep, better to wear out than die of rust!

 

another confession i must admit... her favorite outfit:

 

And?....

 

she thinks she's won! but it's me that's satisfied beyond my wildest dreams... well, not quite, my wildest dreams include a few other things such as a coupla 21 somethings, a banana, an , and completely excludes my wife... that doesn't make me bad, does it?

 

I think those hallucinations are a side effect of the statins.

 

or, more likely, you forgot the title of this thread

 

A bright and brash Australian,
the hunter was his name.
All those slimy reptiles
brought him wealth and fame.
Some say he was a looker,
to girls he was a dish.
He knew everything about crocodiles
But **** all about fish.

 

Just bought ourselves a scraggly necked old turkey that's going to get the chop at Christmas time. We've called him 'Jeremy'.

 

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.
But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".