Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

BBC - Is football finally ready for it's first openly gay player? Everyone else - Is woman's football finally ready for its first openly straight player?

 

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…
Don’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!

 

One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…
Satan: “Why so glum?”
Biker : “What do you think? I’m in hell!”
Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?”
Biker : “Sure, I love to drink.”
Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Bombay Sapphire, tequila, Guinness, red wine, single malt scotch. We drink ’til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.”
Biker : “Gee that sounds great!”
Satan: “You a smoker?”
Biker : “You better believe it.”
Satan: “All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?”
Biker : “Wow…that’s awesome!”
Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.”
Biker : “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”
Satan: “Good,’ cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.”
Biker : “Cool!”
Satan: “What about Drugs?”
Biker : “Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?”
Satan: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day.. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.”
Biker : “Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!”
Satan: “You gay?”
Biker : “No……”
Satan: “Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough…

 

He: Did you know that having sex is like running 6 miles?
She: Who the f*** runs 6 miles in 30 seconds?

 

Life is a lot like a penis.
.
.
.
Shorter if you’re Chinese.

 

Oh shame.

 

Or.......when it's hard you're f&@%ed

When it's soft, you can't beat it.

 

He’s shameless AND tasteless.

 

Like New Coke!

 

Two women were playing golf. One teed off then watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please! Please! allow me to help. I'm a Massage Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain for you if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied, but was obviously still in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside.
She administered gentle and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken.....'

 

Bloke goes to the doctor and complains that every time he goes for a pee, instead of stream of urine it seems to just shoot out in all directions. The doctor takes the bloke to the toilet in the surgery and asks him to demonstrate, and sure enough there is pee flying everywhere.

The doctor examines the mans penis very carefully, and notices lots of little holes through which the pee is escaping. He mentions this to the bloke who suddenly exclaims that he loves to play darts and used to carry his darts in his trouser pocket.

Mystery solved, the doctor goes back to his desk and starts to write a name and address on a piece of paper, saying "I suggest you go and see this gentleman, he will be able to help..."

The bloke asks "Is he a plastic surgeon?" The doctor replies "No, he plays the flute. He'll be able to show you how to hold it properly to block the holes....."

 

I bet everyone with a bidet is laughing now.

 

I do try.

 

I don't, perhaps I should start a class; £299.99 for like a 4 week course.

Basically, class starts in Soho and ends up graduating in Thornton Heath stoned, confident, shameless, proud and unapologetic.

We accept those who try.

 

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?
Me: That’s when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.

 

It's good to see you've stocked up on your essentials but you really should not have bought the mask, that's rather tasteless of you.

 

Did you see the Wu Tang Clan tribute band from China has gone viral?.......