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Tasteless Humor

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Jul 19, 2014.

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  1. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 27, 2018
    #2951
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  2. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 27, 2018
    #2952
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  3. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm working on a Saucy book
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    It's called 50 shades of gravy ;)
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 28, 2018
    #2953
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  4. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 28, 2018
    #2954
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  5. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Grinds teeth!
     
    Sallyally, Nov 29, 2018
    #2955
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  6. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Always ask, never assume.

    His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
    He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
    Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
    He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go' !
    The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
    Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot,
    'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
    'Why?' asked the pilot.
    'Because I'm a photographer for CNN’, he responded, 'and I need to get some close-up shots.'

    The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
    'So, what you're telling me, is . . .. You're NOT     my flight instructor?'
     
    Sallyally, Nov 29, 2018
    #2956
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  7. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 29, 2018
    #2957
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  8. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 29, 2018
    #2958
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  9. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Last edited: Nov 29, 2018
    Sallyally, Nov 29, 2018
    #2959
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  10. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Last edited: Nov 29, 2018
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 29, 2018
    #2960
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  11. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    as an 80's child this gave me nightmares

    :)
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 29, 2018
    #2961
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  12. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Indian junkies accidental snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
    They’re both in hospital.
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    one's in a korma…the other's got a dodgy tikka!

    I'll get my coat ;)
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 29, 2018
    #2962
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  13. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    That looks so tired now doesn't it? The dementors were more frightening.
     
    Sallyally, Nov 30, 2018
    #2963
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  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10.
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    The other 2 guys jumped clear.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2964
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  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to be a lumberjack but i couldn't hack it.
    So i worked in a orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate.
    So i studied to become a doctor but i didn't have the patience.
    So I become a tailor but the job never suited me.
    So i worked in a shoe shop but i couldn't fit in.
    So i became a chef but i never had the thyme.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2965
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  16. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    My wife bought us tickets to see Jo Brand, and I'll admit it, I pissed myself.
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    Any excuse to leave early
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2966
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  17. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm so glad I didn't post my Jim'll fix it letter when I was a child.
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    It said "Dear Jim please could you fix it for me to walk like John Wayne".
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2967
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  18. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2968
  19. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2969
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  20. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Looks better than the actual film was.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2970
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  21. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    It just occurred to me as much as I love James Bond he is a serial killer.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Nov 30, 2018
    #2971
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  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    You mean he got his licence from a Wheaties packet?
     
    Sallyally, Nov 30, 2018
    #2972
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  23. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    A guys wife came home and left the car parked beside the road. She goes in and says, "Honey, can you park the car on the drive".

    So he goes out and reverses the car onto the drive. When he goes in, his wife asked, "How did you do that?".

    He replied, "Well, I go past the drive slightly, turn and stop so I'm at a slight angle. When the wing mirror aligns with the gate post, I do right hand down to straighten up and stop when the wing mirror reaches the 3rd fence post".

    "No, not that", she exclaimed, "How do you make it go backwards?".
     
    Nonnie, Dec 1, 2018
    #2973
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    He's an outright cold blooded murderer but it's ok because he always has a one liner to lighten the mood after he's executed someone.

     
    Liberty Monkey, Dec 1, 2018
    #2974
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  25. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Daniel Craig is very good. Connery número uno, Craig número due.
     
    Sallyally, Dec 1, 2018
    #2975
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