Tasteless Humor

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

(Continue below)

<


<


<


<


<


<


The TEETH!

 

I was recently asked how to solve the political divide in the US, apparently "The Purge" isn't the correct answer.

 

I recently asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?’

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed with pride.

‘Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her. ‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.’

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ‘ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?’

I said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’

 

About 50% of the time "good luck" means "**** you"

 

I just went to a sex shop but they didn't have the things I wanted.
.
.
.
Rope, duct tape and a shovel.

 

Good luck, but just 50% of the time.

 

Amateurs, real men and women go to Home Depot for their sex toys and the store is full of them at very low prices.

 

My wife and I went shopping for sex toys last night.
.
.
.
Overall it was a good trip to the orphanage

 

Both my pet chameleons became ill. So I took them to see a vet who said "they seemed to be suffering from acute stress for some reason" anyway they died a few days later.
.
.
.
So if you know anyone that wants a tartan reptile tank please let me know .

 

It's nice to see the moderators are keeping things in check. Duplicates are being removed quickly and swift bans for trouble makers.
.
.
.
I think they’re doing all "Reich".

 

Crap movie good scene

 

stolen & shared

 

another theft has occurred

 

it's not as bad as i would have thought to become a serial thief ... feels good actually

 

seems either the surgeon mis-interpreted which 'box' or the prep team positioned the patient the wrong way on the table

 

Who said there were only two sexes?

 

Mother nature.

 

I have a vision for the future.....roll on 20/20

 

My wife's a lot like a broken record.
.
.
.
She's black and has a crack problem.

 

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!