Smartie's Beach Bar & Grill #39

Congrats on raising such a fine group of young men, Kimi! You done our country proud!

 

Luv this vid, g/f. Had me stompin my feet!

 

I dunno.Who ever heard of red Pickles.I mean,like on me best Days,I never had me knowed
Red pickle.Did dat come outright.

 

Happy Friday everybody!! And for all you MOTHERS!!! I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!!!

 

Yes, and the same to you. Miss your daughter much? Its bee a while now...what, 2 weeks?

 

hah, woke you up, didn't it? admit it.

 

Happy Weekend Folks!! It don't get no better than this!!!!

 

When do we leave, or are we there already?

 

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,
large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your
will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two
things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were
NOT the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said
'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose
it eventually '

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went
into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was
expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a
face like that!

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the
road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma
died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to
call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is
the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of
a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself...'I’m going to take that.'

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks
down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The
Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’

 

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,
large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your
will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two
things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were
NOT the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said
'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose
it eventually '

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went
into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was
expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a
face like that!

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the
road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma
died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to
call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is
the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of
a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself...'I’m going to take that.'

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks
down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The
Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. ‘You’re in that basket.’

 

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"

"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"

"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"

"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"

"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"

 

*groan*

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Game Of Intelligence
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

 

And they say that blondes are dumb??????

 

Howdy, how is everyone this fine morning?
How's the ticker, OldT?

 

Morning shang. the old ticker is doing just fine. How ae you today.

 

Mighty fine, dear Sir. Sun's shining, all limbs are in somewhat working order, got a roof over the head,food on the table, and gas in the car.

 

Happy (late) Mother's Day to all you moms out there! I hope it was good for all...I know mine was!

Thank Goodness for the spring semester being over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Women often say that the pain they experience during childbirth is greater than the pain man a man suffers when he's been kicked in the nuts. That is simply NOT true! Here's why...

After about a year or so, you'll often hear a woman say "You know, I think I'd like another child!" You will NEVER hear a man say "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the nuts!"

 

man this new forum really sucks, where is everyone. I am just going to be on the old one. If they shut that one down, bye-bye

 

Good morning, y'all! Took a mental health day yesterday... back & raring to go today!

OT... gotta give it some time, sweetie. It grows on ya after awhile -- like warts.

Rye french toast w/cream cheese for breakfast this morning. Mmmmmm.

 

Mornin...not gonna say a word about that mental health day...nope. But I wanna.

Ticker, OT, watch that ticker. Go and smell the roses instead.
We are here, but its spring, we are busy gardening and doing other unmentionables...no falena, don't go there.

Ok, looks like I need some coffee, bad.

***quits babbling****

 

So, are any of my bar buddies going to be here today? It sucked sitting in here yesterday, drinking alone.

It's Toooooooosday......non-descript day.

 

I'm here, Kimi. From what I hear, it was the same in the office yesterday... EVERYBODY decided to take the day off! I'm sure we'll work twice as hard today to make up for it. *koff*