So there's this girl...

So I have been hanging out at my Mormon friend's youth group every Thursday for the past couple months, and it's actually a lot of fun. I commented earlier here about how I found a lot of the girls attractive. Obviously, I'm not a part of the church, but a guy can look, can't he?

Anyway, I've had my eye on one of them for a while now, and I believe she's a year younger than me. We've always been friendly towards each other but never really talked that much. The only exception was after one of the church activities, when she drove me back to my car and I had a good conversation with her the entire drive. Other than that, we don't usually talk much.

However, last night there was no church activity, so we all decided to go to her house to hang out and play video games. It was originally going to be a large group activity, but a bunch had to go home within the first hour, so it came down to me, my Mormon friend, and her.

Needless to say, I got really comfortable with her. We started talking about everything, even inappropriate things I wouldn't have said around her before. After a while, I was feeling extremely confident around her, mostly because she was smiling and laughing at my jokes as well as our conversation in general. My friend was somewhat engaged in the conversation, but not as much as us.

I'm not really trying to draw conclusions or anything, but I think she somewhat likes me, and that's a start. I just can't figure out how to proceed from here. I could just take the natural path and just see how it goes, but I would like to see what you guys think of the situation.

 

You're aware that Mormons are polygamists.

 

Don't be surprised if you get rejected. Dating and marriage of Mormons to nonMormons is frowned upon. If to want to see if you have a chance with her, see if you can accompany her to temple one Sunday.

Let us know how it all goes.

 

Seems like all systems are go, relax and proceed naturally.

With this many signals an attempted kiss in private is a good way to let her know what you're thinking. Its likely enough to be awkward, if she backs up before you make contact she might ask you what your doing, if so tell her the truth. If she runs away don't worry, if she likes you she will come back.

How good of friends are her and your other (I presume male) friend? If you don't want to mess up your current friendship you should run how you feel by him and see how he reacts. If you get light shock or humorous derision from him it means he doesn't care, If you get a big negative reaction of any kind expect problems unless you cut it off now.

Follow your instincts.

 

There is a sect that are, but mainstream Mormons do not look kindly on them.

 

Okay- here is what I think. I have huge respect for Mormons- frankly I have never met a Mormon that I didn't end up thinking highly of.
But the Mormon religion is pretty demanding on its members.

Unless this girl doesn't want to be a Mormon(and is ready now to leave the church) or you are attracted to their church and prepared to join it- I see any romance ending badly.

I wish you luck and happiness with all of this.

 

Herk- you do know that technically this is not true. The Mormon Church itself forbids polygamy.

There are splinter groups- that the Church itself rejects- that does practice polygamy.

 

I think just the opposite...more along the lines of cultish to me. I've encourntered a few in the services, a little too "holier than thou" for my tastes, considering it's basically a heretical belief system. Do they do good work? Yes they do, I think 2 year missions are required from the males...are many of them nice people? Yes many of them are, just personally I think as secretive as that religion is, no one can just walk into one of their churches and see what it's like. I regard them as a heretical faction of pseudo-Christians. You're aware Utah, a heavily Mormon influenced State, has higher than average rates of suicide, divorce and domestic abuse incidents..

 

I am Roman Catholic...what they preach, what they believe?

Is heresy to me.

Many are perfectly nice, intelligent people, I even voted for one...Mitt Romney. The males go on 2 year missions to both evangelize and help communities in need. I'm not saying they are evil, just I would never even remotely consider establishing a romantic relationship with a devoted Mormon woman. To me, it's a deal breaker, just as many believe Catholicism is wrought with evil...perhaps to someone else my religion is a deal breaker.

I suppose it is what it is. However you're never going to convnce me their belief system is not based on heretical teachings, because according to my belief system...it most emphatically IS. Doesn't mean, I "hate" them or would decline a friendship with a Mormon...it just means I do not accept their teachings or adaptation of Christianity.

 

I have no issue with any of that.

I have no love for the Church of Latter Day Saints- I just wanted to correct the often repeated line that it supports polygamy- and it just doesn't- and hasn't for about 100 years. Granted it was forced to stop that support but it still makes the claim false.

 

Look, the guy who started the thread thinks this girl is 'cute"or whatever...probably too naive to get beyond eyelashes and a smile. You have to dig deeper into a person's belief system Who are they really, how were they raised. Mormonism is quite demanding and I believe they incorporate a certain level of brain washing on their congregation. I don't know what the OPs belief system is, but to me, this is just important, actually more important than the outer wrappings of the package. Any kind of a sustained relationship should have a symbiotic level to it in terms of a shared system of principles and beliefs. I applaud Mormons for having a highly disciplined and refined system of principles...because the real "enemy" out there are those who lack principles and a system of the proper way to live one's life. They believe in nothing and are swayed by the whims of popularity. The author of the OP is at a stage of his life probably, where he's swayed by the package and not the contents. We've all been there.

 

You used the wrong verb. Mainstream Mormons were Polygamists. That ended on September 24, 1890. The groups that claims to be Mormons and practice Polygamy are not part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You generalize that all Mormons are Polygamists is based on the actions of fringe groups. You might as well have said that all people that deny God are Satin worshipers. Both statements are simply not true.

 

Regardless, they are heretical.
This is the correct Catholic view.

Now if you're not Catholic, you can have your own opinon.

I've given mine...they are no more than pseudo-Christians who soften their rhetoric when called out on it.

Would you like to know what Mormons think of Catholicism?

Yes they go their separate way, and I go mine. I tell the door knockers the equivalent message..as respectfully as I can. A strong suggestion they get on their bicycles, move it along and peddle their brain-washed heresy someplace else.

 

Interesting statement. They believe something that you don't. So, they're heretics. Do, you know what the Mormon's actually believe, or are you simply relying on what others say about them? Have you read the Book of Mormon, or the Documents and Covenants?

Tell me, what specific faith do you follow.

 

While I find the discussion of Mormonism interesting- it is really getting off track regarding this kids question.

 

If something develops you will have to join the church, if this woman is devoted to her faith, she will not committ to you until you are a Mormon.

 

Only a few break off sects are the Main Church no longer parctices it.

 

This will never work, reading your other posts, be honest with her and tell you believe her religion is heretical.

Then you may go from there, but I doubt it.

Sorry

 

True, on that we agree 100%.

 

Ask her out. What's the worst that can happen?

 

Herk...the OP is the one who wants to date a Mormon girl, not you. rofl

So don't worry, no one is trying to convince you to overlook someone's Mormon faith and date them.

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Anyways, AM, you should go for it if you really like her. I know several Mormons myself and they are, uhh...the drinking, gambling, partying type. Haha, so you might be surprised to find she or some of them are not as deep into the faith as they are always portrayed to be.

 

Many years ago, I worked as an office temp over summer break in my college years. Basically mindless sort of work, stuffing mailings and a lot of the other temps were not of the greatest character shall we say. A very pretty girl about our ages (late teens / early 20s) was there, and three guys, fellow temps, were obviously interested. She happened to bring up Mormonism, she was a Mormon. Well, as we were working in an unsupervised area, they proceed to let loose with a barrage of insults against Mormonism, and sexual inneundos literally bringing her to tears...to tears. I'm not one to intervene normally, but I just couldn't take it any more. I intervened. 3 of the them and 1 of me, and they were fairly big dudes. I basically said, either you stop harrassing this woman or after work we can take it outside...because I won't tolerate this and in fact I planned on notifying both the immediate supervisor of the company where we were assigned and the temp agency. The threats of physcial force probably didn't effect them, but the threat of reporting them did. They actually stopped...

Long story, what's the point aside from a rambling anecdote. The young lady proceeds to talk to me, as before I was the equivalent of a chair in the room. We actually had lunch on a weekend once outside of work and she was a very sweet person...clearly as I was a non-Mormon, it wasn't going anywhere. So I don't want to give off the impression I despise all things Mormon, because this isn't true. They do not believe Christ was divine and that basically we should be our own God. They approach life in a disciplined way as a result...no drugs, alcohol, tobacco etc...they lead what I call a straight edge lifestyle and for that I respect them..sometimes I think some of it is a facade as they often appear as too good to be true...but on the whole. If I was Mormon, this gal would have been a real catch. It so happens I am not and will never be...and the OP should consider that.

As already alluded, you have nothing to lose by asking her out and revealing romantic intentions. You should prepare yourself however, that this probably won't work out. Respect her beliefs, and hopefully she will respect yours and maybe you will at least have a friend and despite the notion that only losers get into the "friend zone"..I don't believe that.

 

Since the OP has yet to chime in. I have no idea what his personal beliefs are. Based on his posting, I'm gathering agnosticism; he doesn't follow a specific faith and/or religion. While I agree, in terms of a general question...

"There's a girl I like, and I think she likes me; what should I do?"

Specific discussion of personal things like religion or the lack thereof are unimportant.

However, it was mentioned he met this person through a mutual friend who is Mormon and it is insinuated this girl is also a Mormon...as this belief system does indeed express doctrine relating to relationships outside of Mormonism, the discussion of same is indeed relevant.

I'm shooting blind, as the OP hasn't expressed if he's willing to try being a Mormon, a demanding faith...if he wants no part of it, he just wants the girl...I don't know.

The discussion therefore is limited to the peripheries of what this girl believes and we've established it could be an obstacle for a person wanting to start a romantic relationship.

Limiting the discussion to merely, he likes a girl, what's the next step...I'd say...use the direct approach, do you want to go out on a date.. Establish your motivation right away, don't say hey do you want to hang out in a group and hope you get more signs from her she likes you,

Get to the point, you like her, you want to go out on a date...ask her out.

You've lost nothing if she says no, you have no real emotional investment at this point other than a mild crush and trust me you will have lots of crushes in the course of your life. This one will be forgotten if indeed you get rejected.

My advice therefore, is to be bold. Take the initiative and ask her out on a "day" date...nothing super romantic or involved. Just an opportunity to get to know one another platonically to see if there is a possibility it will move towards romantically.

Second bit of advice, if she says no, you run the risk of it being awkward from that point forward in terms of hanging out with her and your male friend...so there is some risk involved.
Weigh the risks and what you're emotionally ready to lose if you don't get your way.

if you do get rejected, never take it personally...if she says yes...well you're on your own from there.

My advice, take it or leave it.

Best of luck, we're all in your corner.

 

Word for word this echoes what I'd say. And I couldn't say it any better than SFJEFF did.

So, I'll just say, "ditto."

 

I'm definitely an agnostic and I don't plan on becoming a Mormon.

As for her, she's not a fundamentalist at all. She obviously belongs to the faith, but she's very laid back. So I don't think there will be any problem, unless her parents are very conservative.

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Also, I was talking to my mother about her last night, and she told me to keep a pack of condoms ready in case anything happens. I laughed it off, but I probably should have some handy just in case.