Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Trump stamp?

 

WWII as a bar fight...
I made a bar fight for WWI in honor of the 101 anniversary of its end, and someone requested one for the sequel. So here it is.

Germany went into a deep depression after his defeat in the last fight. His bar tab from his enemies' victory drink was crushing. He started hitting the gym, and wanted revenge. One day, he returns to the same bar. Britain, France, Russia (who changed his name to the USSR after his personality change), everyone. They all stare at him.

Germany walks to Chezhslovokia and asks for his wallet. He refuses, but France and Britain make him give it up, so he does.

Germany thanks him, before hitting him over the head with a bat. Austria gives up immediately.

He walks over to Poland, but Britain and France warn him. He calls over the USSR, and they both beat Poland to a pulp.

Britain and France have enough, and officially declare a bar fight. Nothing happens.

Again, the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife. Germany picks up France, and throws him through a window. He gives up.

The USSR takes some steroids.

Britain stands on the bar counter while Germany swings his bat. Britain blocks or dodges all of them. Germany is tired, and thinks that now is the perfect time to attack the USSR.

The USSR gets thrown through a window, and hit with Germany's bat several times, but then the steroids kick in. He uppercuts Germany and he goes flying.

Meanwhile, Japan, who is making sexual advances towards China, hits America over the head with a barstool. America is furious, and they fight.

Italy passes out.

Britain jumps on Germany while he is fighting the USSR. France comes back out of nowhere.

Germany can't take anymore, so he hits himself with his bat, and dies. They split Germany in half as a trophy.

Meanwhile, America is still fighting Japan, whips out a knife and stabs Japan twice.

Everyone is surprised.

Except the USSR, who whistles while he sharpens his own knife behind his back.

 

Myrtle and the Beetle
Myrtle is driving her Volkswagon Beetle down the road and sees another little old lady, also with a Beetle, pulled over with the hazards on. Myrtle pulls over and asks, "Is everything ok?"
The other lady replies, "My darn Beetle has broken down. I popped the bonnet and it looks like the whole engine has gone missing!".
"No worries, I can help you." said Myrtle. "As it happens, I have a spare engine in my boot!"

 

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender...
“Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?”

 

A guy goes into a record shop
and says "do you have any sound effects albums of insect noises? Crickets, cicadas, beetles, that sort of thing?"
Store guy: "yeah only this second hand vinyl, should be perfect though."
Guy buys the record but he's back to the shop within the hour, says "sorry mate this record is nogood. It's just 45 minutes of buzzing, it's complete crap. "
Store guy: " Yeah that's the B side."

 

Damn, it took me a couple of minutes and several re-readings to get this. I'm off to sit in the corner with my dunce hat on.

 

OMG!

 

I do believe the gauntlet has been thrown down. Whatcha going to do about it?

 

More of a goblet.

 

This is the tasteless humour thread isn't it? I haven't wandered off and posted in the wrong thread have I?

 

You have challenged Sally's supremacy in tasteless humor. I await in eager anticipation her response.

No pressure Sally.

 

While we're waiting...

 

I have no words.

 

Old pirate & his parrot
There was an ol' pirate that had a parrot, generally the parrot was very quiet very little talking and no squawking. One day the parrot very loudly kept repeating How's your bum? How's your bum? How's your bum? Finally the pirate gets mad and yells at the parrot SHUT UP!!!! The parrot answers so is mine. Must be the salt water.

 

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore
When you suddenly squeal 'cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!

 

One sunny day in January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine repeated, "Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr. Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the old man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine, understandably irritated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you've been here asking to speak to Trump. I've told you each time that he's no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you get it?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

 

Bum on a bum?

 

Is outback **** really black? What in the heck are you all eating?