Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

I think I have gas

 

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: "You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!" officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!"
"Bullshit! He just told me he is been digging a tunnel for months!"

 

A little boy tells his nursery teacher that he found a dead cat
'How did you know that it was dead?' Asked the teacher

'Because i pissed in its ear & it didn't move' Said the boy

'You did what?!?' Shrieks the teacher

'You know' Explains the boy, 'I lent over and went Pssst & it didn't move"

 

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors,
all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, “I agree, but under four conditions.”

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over the noise a single voice asked, “And what are the four conditions?”

The room stilled. There was a long pause.

The Pope replied, “First, the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see who she is having sex with.

Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear who she is having sex with.

And third, she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out who she is having sex with, she can tell no one.”

After another long pause a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?” The Pope replied, “Big tits.”

 

later that night, the pope was heard speaking to one of his most trusted cardinals... "by tit's i meant dick, go fetch me that young alter boy that i've had my eye on"

 

You make one meme, you see more memes, it's a domino effect or chain reaction of memes.

 

Wife Missing?
The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't know. Not slim, not really fat."
Sheriff: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed."
Sheriff: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember."
Sheriff: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly."
Sheriff: "What kind of car did she go in?"
Husband: "She went in my truck."
Sheriff: "What kind of truck was it?"
Husband: "A 2016 Brilliant Diesel Grey Pearlcoat Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4 l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting."
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: "Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!"

 

That joke is getting a bit tired now.
There must be a hundred different versions of it out there now.
Time to get some new material.

 

That joke has dirt on Hillary ..

 

I was asked to play guitar and sing for a homeless man's funeral...
The service was going to be held out in the middle of nowhere, and when I was on the way my gps got me lost. When I finally found the cemetery, it was too late, the cemetery workers were already digging the hole. I decided to sing my heart out to this homeless guy, after all he probably had no family or friends. I sang and played amazing Grace the best I could. The workers all took off their hats and came and stood around the hole with their hands behind their back. When I was finally done most of the men were in tears. As I was leaving I heard a man say, "Wow, I've never heard or seen anything like that and I've been putting in septic tanks for over 20 years!"

 

death:
i want to go just like dad, while sleeping peacefully
.
.
.
not screaming frantically like his passengers

 

pharmacist: can i help you?
me: yeah, i need few condoms & some insecticide
pharmacist: do you mean spermicide?
me: no, insecticide... my wife's got a bug up 'er arse and i'm going in after 'em

 

A Hillary joke is all in the execution

 

Boom tish!