'You are no longer my mother': A divided America will struggle to heal after Trump era

What does? Continuing the dialog? Maybe. But they already know that I don't agree with them on ##5-10, especially ##9 and 10.

 

She should ask him to confirm his decision in writing in an email for text. Then if he does just respond 'thanks my lawyer needed it for some changes I'm making in my will'.

 

One is and has an exorbitantly successful life beyond what people would believe. We had 18 years to prepare to avoid that happening. We will not enable failure.

But should that happen? We would send them to a homeless shelter. She would have to dig herself out of that hole along with the grandchildren. But, not to be critical, I doubt you were as focused on your children as we are. I would guess (only) that your children spent 50 times more time in unstructured free time and play than ours. No video games. Strict control over TV and internet time and activities. We must know where each is 100% of the time, who they are with (subject to our approval) and what they are doing. We are never angry, hateful nor insulting. Never lay a hand on them. Only positive words - but also absolute authoritarian. Discussion encouraged, they can make their case, but our decisions are final, unshakeable.

Thousands of times we will have pointed at someone at a blue collar job like a clerk, WalMart stocker, working on a yard or roofing crew, sales person in a store, waitress... and ask "Is that what you want to do the rest of your life. The majority of people do. If you don't, how are you going to avoid it?" For our daughter, as example, my wife probably spent 300 hours with her shopping for clothes - for purpose even casual. Only when they both agreed would it be bought. Strict on school, but again for purpose. Classes of no real value? A B, even a rare C, fine. But otherwise no excuses. No spelling errors. Telling the teachers always to take no excuses. If they have to rewrite it 6 times to have no bad grammar, spelling errors - whatever - then it required. All optional school work - required.

At the adolescent age they do rebel for how is is sooooooooooooooooooooo unfair. None of their friends have to do this. But by high school that changes. Realizing the benefits of being the best, being the winner, the one given the choices. School paper editor. Captain of the science team. The award for winning science fair. Even increasingly in the local newspaper for success and volunteerism. As a teen, in addition to everything else had to earn her own spending money - all of it. We could have bought her a new Porsche no problem, but instead bought her a clean old little standard cab pickup truck so she isn't the other kid's taxi, no one else ever to drive it, must approve everywhere she goes, and she better be where and whom she said too.

And a resume so awesome she was given a full scholarship - including dorm and food - to a top dollar private science and technology university having won 3 Science Fairs and published in international science journals while still in high school. She was taught to always expand her knowledge, experience and skill sets. Children have tremendous potential - IF it is developed from the start in their formative years. To develop the right habits until it is who the children is. For a slow learner son? Developing manual skills. He remodeled our kitchen with as fine of work as the finest woodworker. No compromise.

Or could let them waste away their formative years acting without purpose or focus on video games, mindlessly surfing online, wandering without purpose, getting in trouble? Make childhood about having pointless fun and the child pays the rest of their life. Lead them down a path to adulthood, and their adult life will offer them all life has to offer. Many times this daughter has phoned just to talk us - but sometimes she misses us as her guardian angels.

If we are their economic safety net we become enablers of failure. So very many parents are now in my opinion. How many adult children in their 20s, 30s and even 40s are living with mom and/or dad, with endless excuses as to why - playing video games, surfing online, eating food they didn't pay for, and probably smoking pot and drink beers they didn't buy either?

When done, between all our children we will have 100 years of being a parent. An entire century. Every day. Every night. 100 years of hardcore focused parenting is a enough. We will have served our time. Now it is time for them to be the adult over their own life and - if they decide - to have the parent role themselves. She already is much more than either of us. Isn't that the best hope of a parent? It doesn't happen for free.

(Sorry, I could write on this forever as it is the #1 priority)

 

That's a declared retaliation like an extortion. She should put him in her will for $1 and say nothing about it to anyone. Our kids are hugely in our wills, which we will never mention a word of it. Our oldest did ask if we have wills. Our answer? "Eventually the day will come when you find out. It's called the reading of the will after a funeral - if there is one."

 

Not sure she can leave him just a dollar. Generally the more extreme the division of an estate is between beneficiaries the greater the grounds for a challenge. As far as my parents went it was the opposite. They told us up front everything was being divided equally, where all the key paperwork was and granted us all power of attorney with a majority vote having the final say. When the time came no problems encountered.

As for the rest technically, it isn't extortion because shes not demanding anything from him, just confirming previous 'instructions' from the son. It can also be argued she's not retaliating but rather simply comply with his wishes i.e. that he no longer wished to be regards as a member of her family. He asked, he got.

 

Its crazy. My grandmother on my dads side, now in her 90's, is a flaming progressive. We don't talk politics. Instead we hug her, and bash democrats and show off our new guns after she leaves (or sometimes just in the other room, because she's basically deaf).

 

I do too. Not only are vitriolic political discussions unpleasant, they're counterproductive in that they are not likely to change any minds and only harden opposing views already held.

I also have friends and family members who hold differing and hardened political views but so far, everyone has kept their political differences to themselves.

 

Not just extreme, but very very dysfunctional. Cutting loved ones or friends out of your life over POLITICS, indicates some pretty serious mental health issues.

 

OMG

You and I could not possibly be more different, on this stuff.

 

Oh screw finding peace, I'm using my anger and rage to propel myself forward. I was told I would never amount to anything in this world, so my stupid pride said "let's go get your Doctorate. That'll show them how tough you are!". And now I torture myself everyday floundering about in confusion about my life choices.

 

Oh puleeze!

 

I think it's ridiculous. I despise Trump and I have friends that support him and they despise HRC, and now Harris. Most of my family shares my opinion of Trump except for Dad, so we skip discussing politics.

I have some friends that I consider family. One of them, Moe, refuses to talk to the other, Curly, over the other's support of Trump. This same guy, Moe, could possibly cancel me over something equally irrelevant to a lifetime of shared experiences. Between the three of us, our entire involvement in politics consists of voting on election day and having opinions: that's it. I think Moe is a bit of a dick about this approach to life, but since I'm Larry here, I just try to keep it on the rails.

Curly's mom passed early this year and I called Moe, suggesting he give Curly a call or a text. Nope, not interested - like Ike from South Park telling his older brother Kyle, "you are dead to me". Because of an opinion about Trump that arguably has no impact on any of our day-to-day lives.

 

Yep, that's how it goes ... even outside America. I know a few Moes. They're not well people. Usually narcissists, and sometimes depressed.

 

What about when the first parent dies. What about the surviving spouse?

The reason for giving $1 is to make it clear the person wasn't just forgotten, compared to just leaving the person out. It is a positive declaration of not wanting to leave a relative any money. This is a fairly common practice.

Most of what we have is in trusts that specify everything including ours or any of their deaths - with a lot of language about the estate in terms of land and structures, which remains in an in perpetuity family estate. However, when one of us dies the other gets everything otherwise. When the other of us dies, other than a few personal items or something that had some memory interest to any of them or is related to estate maintenance and operation (the property itself), everything must be sold at public auction (they can bid at it) with the proceeds divided between the children, with among trusts is something for the grandchildren and an in perpetuity trust for the following lineage of our prodigy with a payment schedule across time preventing exhausting the principle fund.

We have a huge amounts of land most people see as next worthless that we had permanent non-development easements on the deeds because it is virgin wildlife land - in exchange for no property taxes on it plus some areas allowing local and state government to use for a natural park and hiking paths in the future - but very limited areas. That deliberately also made the land all but unsellable, other than maybe for hunting leases.

While it is our land and we can go on it, maintain fire lanes, hunt on it etc, nearly all of it can have no permanent structures, roads or such by the deed restrictions we put on most of the land. In a sense it is our own ancient virgin woodland swamp. Most people just see an impassible woodland swamp, sawgrass and mud flats, shallow estuaries leading to little mangrove islands and sea islands (the dumps of ancient people who lived off what the Gulf Of Mexico provided for food and used to be the largest scallop and clam fields in the world) and a gzillion mosquitoes. To me it is the most beautiful place on earth, filled with nature and wildlife - land, sea and air - and a hunting and fishing paradise.

Then again, people come to this area from all over the world to see the wildlife, many of which are rare and endangered - particularly endangered and rare birds. Man isn't the alpha predator here and situationally even with a firearm. Alligators and bull sharks are. We want this permanently in the family for generations to come. There are provisions in case relative feuding gets too intense, allowing partition of it potentially in the distance future.

Think of the song A Country Boy Can Survive: "I live back in the woods you see, my woman and the kids and the dogs and me." Way back in the woodland. Locals say living here is living in paradise.

We do not want any of our children to figure their future or retirement based upon calculating the value of our deaths. They do know the land will always be in the family. That also is in the deeds and terms of the trust that hold the land ownership.

 

Well as a noted the $1.00 option is a calculated risk, a gamble that courts won't find it too unfair in specific circumstances and overturn the Will (not granting equal shares again necessarily mind you, just more). The 95/5 option I suggested sends pretty much the same message but may be harder to challenge. So its a lawyering question I guess.

As for the land, lovely to have in the family but as described and given the covenants in place I doubt in most families it would become an 'asset' to be disputed /fought over. So I imagine people will be enjoying walks through it for generations to come - fingers crossed.

As for your last point? Different situations for different families is all I can say. Our parents trusted us, their estate was what it was and we were all lucky enough to be 'comfortable' with or without it. So helpful to us all but not decisive. In the end, given the choice all of us, spouses included would give it away to have our parents back.

 

its not really the politics. Its about who is intentionally being obnoxious about their politics. I want to know who is sending the emails passing off the propaganda, who is lecturing on the phone, who won't let the subject die. It literally can become a sort of passive aggressive weapon to cause stress and discomfort every time there is any interaction. You can actually bully/harass someone bringing up controversial politics over and over and over and over again.

That's when this tends to happen.

 

You didn't post a poll for us to vote in, so, I'll merely suggest that this enormous divide between the two main political factions in the United States -- Liberals and Conservatives -- began, actually, during the "W" Bush terms-in-office.

The entire phenomenon seemed to boil up after Bush launched his Afghanistan and Iraq adventures, and reached a boiling point in the 2006 Congressional elections. Then came Obama in 2009 and the political 'trench-warfare' has been both destructive and downright dangerous ever since.

Now, nobody trusts anybody else who isn't already in their 'camp'. And as the years have passed since 2006, we Americans have developed a hardened, thorough hatred for each other that cannot end well. And the truth, at least from my perspective, is that Joe Biden is not (NOT) the person to 'fix' it.

The trench-warfare will continue, unabated, until 2024, and we can only hope that younger, smarter, less-corrupt people will ascend into the upper ranks of power. But if they don't, you can be sure the Russians and Chinese will be taking ever further advantage of our pathetic situation, as they have for at least the past twelve years....

 

Yuk!!! So much bull crap in there. I'm sure you are patting yourself on your back. Although, parents of one child often do what you did. I had an aunt that did that to their son. Oh, he was extremely bright as my aunt and uncle. MIT teaching at Stanford and working with NASA and related companies. My cousin was at the top of his class. He was on the school's swim team and did really well. Today, he's a very successful lawyer. Has 3 kids of his own. But, unlike how he was brought up, he let's his children learn about free moral agency and with guidance, let's them experience life in order to learn how to overcome mistakes and challenges in life. To experience things he didn't have a chance doing with overbearing tyrant parents. Oh, I loved my uncle and aunt. He was a down to earth person and put up with a lot of crap from an overbearing wife. They too were well off. Only had to work one job. Could be home when school was out. No after school programs for my cousin. No sir! But, anyone that would put their own flesh and blood out on the street due to no fault of their own isn't worth the crap they poop. Especially your own grandchildren.

No problem with being their supporting your children. But, if you only had one child, you have no idea what it's like with siblings and trying to run a business or academy in your own home. Lots of luck with that one. A wise lord once said "There will always be poor amongst you." To you, they are trash. Including your own flesh and blood. While I would agree with your concepts of teaching and training. The way you do it is ungodly. So far, you have lucked out. But, one day, she will wake up and realize that she didn't have much of a growing up period and will do so later in life. I don't know how old she is now but I doubt she'll have kids afraid to treat them like she was treated. It's okay to protect them. But, to do so like she's chattel, no. There's physical abuse and there's mental abuse. By the way, next time you eat out or go to an amusement park, try not to look down on those cooking for you or waiting on you because they are less of people than you. See, I struggle a lot with one of my kids in his early teens. He was taught all about good and evil. He was involved with church youth activities growing up. He had loving parents and grandparents. But, he got into drugs. Fortunately, he remembered all the teaching about love, family and other good principles and actually stopped on his own. Today, he's 41 and has a good job that he actually likes. His boss loves him. He left once for better pay but his boss wanted him back and is now paying him better with a better job he actually likes. He's completely independent. His younger brother, is married and working on what he wants to do. His wife is with Amazon pulling down $200k a year. They are completely happy and well adjusted adults. His sister, the one that was doing what she thought was right and marrying someone good turned out to be a louse. He abused her mentally and physically. Personally, I didn't think he was the best for her. But, she was 20 and it was her life decisions. See, my kids are capable of making their own decisions. I doubt yours can. Probably calls home before making decisions. It wasn't her fault for her situation. But you would condemn her anyways. Unwilling to help. Other than that, she's got her college degree in bio science and doing very well in her work. And, our grandkids, we've been able to be a great influence to them as well. Oh, they like to play games on the computer and socialize with others. But, they are great kids and we actually love them and help them as well. If we followed your advice, they'd be on the street and on drugs...Uggg...

 

He did! He's the one that got blacks riled up over fake policy brutality. He's the one that brought back the pain that 90% of black youth said they never felt that were polled. He's the one that went against Dr. Martin Luther King's proclamation to not judge people by the color of their skin, all people. Instead, Obama ushered in the idea of "White Shaming." He's the reason for all our problems now and Biden will stir up more problems with the help of the Left wing Communist media.

 

Sell that excrement elsewhere.

 

That's the way to do it!

 

We have extreme differences in which we want our Nation to go. It is to be expected. They want to destroy our historic legacy as well as our Constitutional liberties.

 

The left made their bed....they can lay in it.

 

Yep, we really, really lucked out. When you get older of course you hear first or second hand some horror stores about the conflicts in some 'families' out there. Not an issue for us. When the time came it was a unified front, children, spouses, family & friends. Nothing but 100% support.

 

'They'?