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Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    Can't remember if this one has been posted recently or not...

    Ironman is a hero, Ironwoman is a command.
     
    xwsmithx, May 25, 2019
    #926
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  2. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    What do you call a paddock full of Irishmen?
    A Paddy field.
    Response by an Irishman-
    What do you call a paddock full of Australians?
    A vacant lot!
     
    Sallyally, May 26, 2019
    #927
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  3. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I kicked my wife out when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. No fat chicks. Rules is rules.
     
    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #928
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  4. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    The wife and I were out for our anniversary dinner. The waiter came up and asked me, "Sir, how did you find the pork belly ?"
    "We met 25 years ago in some pub." I replied
     
    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #929
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  5. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    Man 1: I lost my wife five years ago now.
    Man 2: It must be tough to lose your wife like that.
    Man 1: Tough? It was damn near impossible!

    Can we do racist jokes here? I've been holding off on those due to PF rules.
     
    xwsmithx, May 26, 2019
    #930
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  6. FivepointFive

    FivepointFive Banned

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    So a martian.. a venusian.. and a uranusanian go to the bar.. I have a ton of Irish jokes.. most of them were told to me by Irishman

    Daughter: "I think I'm pregnant"
    Mom: "are you sure it's yours?"
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2019
    FivepointFive, May 26, 2019
    #931
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  7. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    Teacher asks her elementary school class on Monday if anything exciting happened over the weekend. One little boy went up to the board and made a small dot on it. "What's that?" the teacher asks. "It's a period," the boy says. "What's exciting about that?" the teacher continued. "I don't know," says the boy, "but yesterday my sister was missing one, my father had a heart attack, my mother fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
     
    xwsmithx, May 26, 2019
    #932
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  8. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    But seriously folks, take my wife!
     
    Sallyally, May 26, 2019
    #933
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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    No one told me their were rules, well except the mods with those points they gave me but I figure points mean prizes.

    Anyway don't be racist because racism is a crime and crime is for black people :)
     
    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #934
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  10. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Paddy found out his daughter is having triplets. He's so cross, he's out now looking for the other two dads.
     
    Nonnie, May 26, 2019
    #935
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  11. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    I painted my computer black to make it run faster. Now it won't work.
     
    xwsmithx, May 26, 2019
    #936
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  12. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    It's obvious yer wife doesn't read your posts.

    Mrs. BB doesn't read mine, but it's cuz she's illiterate. :-| She does like the pics, tho. :razz:
     
    BaghdadBob, May 26, 2019
    #937
  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Fun fact Grossburger was Subzero in The Running Man, he died of a heart attack a few months later.
     
    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #938
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  14. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players ...

    ... aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded.

    "Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

    "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you under stand all that?" Again the little boy nodded.

    He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?" Again the little boy nodded.

    "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
     
    Sallyally, May 26, 2019
    #939
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  15. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    For our 20 year anniversary, I got my wife a six-month round-the-world cruise. Now every time the ship's in port, she calls me up to complain I'm not on it.
     
    xwsmithx, May 26, 2019
    #940
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  16. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #941
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  17. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    Love that movie.
     
    xwsmithx, May 26, 2019
    #942
  18. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, May 26, 2019
    #943
  19. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Nonnie, May 27, 2019
    #944
  20. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    No Tommy Robinson though although not a fan I would have loved to see him go to Europe would have been funny as ****.

    I'm a big Alan B'stard fan and base my opinion on MEP's on the 4th season.

     
    Liberty Monkey, May 27, 2019
    #945
  21. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, May 27, 2019
    #946
  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills ...

    ... would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store.

    He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for me, please?"

    The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"
     
    Sallyally, May 27, 2019
    #947
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  23. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Everyone is always Russian to Finnish while European.
     
    tecoyah, May 27, 2019
    #948
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  24. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    How do you get a one armed pollack out of a tree?
    Wave.
    How do you sink a polish Sub?
    Open the screen door.
    What do you call a man with no arms or legs thrown across a pool?
    Skip.
    How about when he stops?
    Bob
    stapled to a wall?
    Art
    with his arms and legs as well?
    Pieces of Art
    Two guys stapled next to the window?
    Kurt and Rod.
     
    tecoyah, May 27, 2019
    #949
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  25. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Mr Garrison perfectly explains a woman's period for men to understand.

     
    Liberty Monkey, May 27, 2019
    #950
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