Anybody got any good one liners? I can start- A con man, a communist, and an old white man go into a bar- bartender says, "What'll you have Mr. president!"
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How come pirates are so tough? Because they Agrrrr!
The wife told me the cat needed to be chipped, and despite only having a nine iron, I still got it over the shed.
One of my earliest childhood memories is that once my uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, the sex became much better
The difference between a politician and a pirate is that a politician likes to argue and a pirate like to "Arrrgg!" you.
Now I sorta, kinda, maybe a little bit feel bad that I said that. Nah, who am I kidding. Someone yells HEY *******! I automatically look to see if they're talking to me.
How does a carpenter order a round of two beers? He hold up the two fingers he still has, a ring finger and a pinky. ---------------------- Want to see my impression of a duck? (Green Man raises arm and ducks down as if somebody threw something at him)
DON'T DO IT!!!!! Care Bears are vicious. Once they go after someone it's lights out. I tried to save a niece once, she's no longer with us, and I'm missing two teeth and a finger.
I've heard that if you don't kill them outright, they have a sense of revenge that dwarfs the Count of Monte Cristo's. Twenty years down the line, it's had plastic surgery and you wake up to this:
When you are in bear country it's important to wear a bell and carry pepper spray. It also important to know what kind of bears are in the area. This can be told by looking at bear scat. Black bear scat has berries and fur in it. Grizzly bear scat has bells in it and smells like pepper.
I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he'd had, and after he started counting, he fell asleep.
Rodney Dangerfield in an exchange with his audience …. Woman: Rodney, What’s easy money? Rodney: What’s easy money? The way you make it, honey. Man: How’s your sex life? Rodney: How’s my sex life? Why don’t you ask me something personal? My sex life … Are you kiddin’? Why at my age having sex is like shooting pool with a rope.
