...that said yes/asked? A poster in another thread suggested most men he knows married the first woman who said yes. I'd be interested to know how many that applies to. I did not marry the first, but on reflection a fair number of married women have quietly confided they married for reasons other than love, not the least being things like... afraid to be left on the shelf, ditched the guy then found nobody else was really interested in taking his place, married him rather than having to look for someone else, etc etc etc. I also have a friend whose husband is prone to serious depression and has bouts of long periods where he can't work. Her life and the lives of her daughters, are pretty miserable during these times. People put up with a lot from partners on the basis that they are loved and should return the love. I do believe if that woman ever found out her husband never loved her, she might take a sharp axe to him. It's bad enough putting up with all the issues of life for someone who genuinely loves you. How annoying to find out you've supported and suffered all that for someone who doesn't...and never did.
Too young to have an answer to that q. I think I would rather live alone than with someone who I don't want to be with. Same with kids. I'd rather have them by myself than settle.
I've only asked one woman to marry me, and she said no. Didn't want the travel and moving around that a military life entails. At least that was the reason given. Never asked anyone again since, and that was in 1988. Look at it this way, it's preferable to be alone than in an unhappy situation and of my married friends, I'd say only about 1 in 3 would say they are happy in their situation. Often times couples stay together for the sake of their children....or fear of being alone. Basically, I've shied away from the commitment that marriage requires. I would assume that if you take the trouble to ask someone to marry...you actually want to marry them...and the person who says "yes" actually wants to marry that person who asked. Saying yes because you think no one will ever ask again, is not a good start to a committed marriage.
I've only asked 1 woman to marry me, which is the woman I'm married to today. I have a happy marriage, but the older I get the more I look at marriage as pointless. I've seen so many of my friends lose everything to a quick marriage that didn't work out. You can be with someone, and have a wonderful relationship, without signing a contact.
I moved out of my house in a fit of anger at 19 and moved in with my girlfriend. Then we converted the basement into a 1 bedroom apartment. She asked me after a year plus, I said "if that's what you want then fine". We were married 5 months later and had kids years later. It was all her.
I'm with you and have walked out of relationships with only what I put in financially. However, you are young as you say and may change with age. I have seen some of the girls feel they are getting older and panic. My friend is absolutely gorgeous, but settled on a younger man she didn't love because he appeared just at the right time when she was starting to panic and he was gullible enough to be impressed by her gorgeousness and not dig much deeper. I think he would have taken her on any terms though. It went horribly wrong of course and he ended up beating her up. She and I fell out about it before her marriage, she told me she didn't love the guy but The One had by this time moved to Spain and she wasn't going to follow him there. Strange thing, The One was a complete tool but she could never see it and still can't. Then I was walking round the Cloch yesterday and met my other friend with her husband. That is a first class man, he really is. Yet she married him on the rebound from her One, who was also a tool. I saw him get roasted right into another woman in the back of my friend's car while she was driving and humiliate her in front of everyone, but she took him back again and again. In the end, he went off and never came back and she had to settle. She's been married to that guy for 20 years, but we were out for dinner just at Christmas and she said she would still go back to the loser if she could. Unbelievable. What amazes me about these people, is the complete lack of conscience or ethics. I know feelings can pull you and people have their own needs etc...I am no plaster Saint myself and have treated many men very badly, but it seems to me that every person deserves to be special to someone. If the person is not special to you and you know he will never be, should you deprive him of being special to someone else...who might really, really love him? And you might find such a person yourself. Even if you don't, why ruin two lives with your deceit? As you say, probably better to be alone than unhappy in a relationship. But it seems a terrible waste of a good man. If you are happy though, you know what suits you best. I'm not ever really comfortable or productive in the constraints of a relationship, there are always things I'd like to do which a relationship obstructs. I would like to try independence one day, but not enough to leave Himself. I'm used to him now. I don't know. It lacks commitment. Do you know how many of the unhappy losers married the first person who said yes and how many were really completely in love and wholly committed to the person they married? My S-I-L maintains relationships work for as long as the woman works on them. That men never work on them and once the woman's commitment wanes, the marriage is over.
From life experience and my own experience (married 17 yrs) I've learned that just b/c a couple isn't happy doesn't mean their whole marriage will be unhappy. I've met couples who had a hard time the first several yrs of marriage and now they are generally happy(altho I hate to use the term happy b/c happy is an emotion and emotions change day to day based on mood or circumstances) I've also known couples who had several happy yrs in the beginning but then things started to wax and wane towards the middle, but got back on track.There will always be those peaks and valleys. It takes a mature couple to realize that marriage isn't some fairy tale, AND it actually requires work.....eventually! Also, I don't always think it's a bad thing if couples stay together b/c of the kids as long as they aren't fighting daily or disrespecting each other in front of the kids. Sometimes staying together BECAUSE of the kids, buys you some time to actually work things out and fall in love all over again, whereas if no children were involved, a premature divorce might have taken place.
I don't buy it. Stereotypically speaking, men are more afraid of commitment(then again the tide is quickly turning) and aren't in a rush to tie the knot like women are....generally speaking of course.
Yeah, I'm not getting that either. I can't think of any guy friend who was that desperate. Usually, by the time the "question" has been asked, it's been talked about and gone over for months or years. Guys don't have to hurry to get married. Women do. Their "price" goes down the longer they are on the shelf, so I can see at a certain time in their lives they would rush to the first guy who asked.
I married the second guy that asked me. I am not a fan of the institution of marriage, but I have known this guy for a long time and it is what he really wanted. I could be happy just living with him, but he would not be content and some things in regards to my will are easier if I have a legal partner.
I honestly don't get it. I know of friends of my mams etc. where she thinks they panicked and fell into it and to be fair they seem no happier/unhappier than other couples in their 50's. The only thing I think I would panic about is kids (35 seems so much closer this side of 20 ) and that is never a good reason to marry someone, maybe once but for god sake if you want a kid that much try artificial insemination, or foster a kid who needs it.
well of course men marry the first person that says yes. Who asks a woman to marry them then when she says yes tells her to hold on while he checks around to see if he has other takers?
There's always one and it's always you You know what the guy meant. And I know guys who go along the line of drunk women at closing time down the nightclub and ask every one of them if he can take them home, until one says yes. He says one always does say yes. The implication from the poster was that is what some do regarding marriage. Ask the first woman who comes along and get it out of the way. Job done.
The panic is a young woman's myth though. It is a total myth that it's harder to find someone as you get older. IMHO as you age, you become comfortable and realise men are like buses, there's always another one coming round the corner. I don't think any of those women would be panicking now if they suddenly became single again.
Was in a relationship that had serious issues. She asked me to marry her, but I knew it wouldn't work, so I said no. Then I met my current wife, knew beyond a doubt it would work even though there were extranious issues, asked her and she said yes. Been happy ever since. Glad I waited.
That covers a lot of territory. It applies to me...but only in the sense that she is the only woman I have ever loved. Soul mate is not a figure of speech here. Her exact words to me at the wedding were: "To the man that I love, the one who saved my soul, I give to you my thanks and I pledge to you my life." The inscription in my wedding band is "You saved my soul. E.A.M." (The inscription in hers reads "My reason for living. J.G.F.")
As a woman ages the men who come around are less and less attractive. The really good ones have met, married, and raised children. They are no longer available. Instead, a parade of flawed males passes by. As one ages the pool of potential suitors and mates decreases exponentially. The later it gets the greater the probability of life without a partner or children. That translates into a life alone my dear. It's a matter of statistical probabilities.
Oi...you better not be stalking because you made me say I don't like you. If you are, you can push off, I'm not going to be personally attacked by you in every thread if that is your plan. Anyway, I quite like you despite the misguided political views so on the off chance you are actually here to discuss the OP, I'll respond to your post... What was interesting in youth (hot, socially inept dangerous types), emerges as a liability when common sense kicks in and you realise that is not really what's important in a partner. With so many divorces, there are people everywhere who are free again and easier to get along with. Where I work, at any given time about 1/3 are emerging from relationships and starting again. There's nothing wrong with any of these people and they have decent income as well as decent and more matured personality. Perhaps it is down to exposure. If you interact with a lot of people, you will probably find one you like. If you don't get out there and interact, how are you to find anyone?
Together for thirty five years, thirty of them as husband and wife, raising two boys to manhood, gives me an unsettled feeling about serial relationships. There is nothing in life as sweet as falling in love with one person passionately, totally, hopelessly, and completely...and to have that love reciprocated measure for measure as the months roll into years and then decades as decade after decade flashes by. The two come to understand, predict and anticipate each other in a gentle understanding. Sharing triumphs, defeats, and the experiences of a lifetime creates a bond that lasts for a lifetime and resonates at least two generations into the future. It's the sweetest thing I've ever known.
Wait... hold the phone. Two guys asked you to marry them? Hell has frozen over. I thought you said you met your current beau in line as he was reading a fantasy football magazine...I was under the impression this was not a long-time friend.
That happened in college. We went separate ways and then ended up in the same place. I do not know, do people call that "settling?" Ha, the first guy that proposed to me was...interesting.
Got it. Honestly I'm surprised you don't have guys fawning all over you with marriage proposals raining from the sky.
