My Second Life and other Secrets

Yeah, I get that they're foolish enough to give what you are foolish enough to take. That hardly means they're better off for the experience.

 

Sure they do, with their husbands...

...not that you wanted an answer, of course.

 

Are you calling me trash or them trash in an abstract way?

Besides, if it even matters I don't know what the difference between I'm doing now and dating is.......

You against people dating?

I'm not married, they're not married - what is your problem?

 

Haha, I understand now. If you wish to push the invisible scary sky god nonsense, please go to a religious forum and post. This is not about religious nonsense.

 

Your view point is worth hearing. So what is it? Indeed in some way perhaps our needs are too much for some.....where does that leave us?

And no. He actually let them go. Kudos to him. What say you?

And what would that be in your opinion?

He is simply saying how extra ordinary the supposed commonplace experience was.

That my friend is true. But sex is not ice cream. It's a fundamental driver of behaviour and emotion. The lack of it is destruction itself.

 

Alright, if you are going to answer then I guess I must as well. She started cutting me off on our wedding night. And I showed as much understanding for what I later learned were her bullsht excuses, as a man could. The idea that I was too demanding is too ridiculous to even answer. It is downright insulting after what I went through. I couldn't have been more understanding.

More than that, they are with me because they don't want that kind of relationship yet.

So what? So my life is vastly improved and I am far happier than I ever was. That this is all ignored makes it hard to take the questions seriously.

It was life changing. It tapped a very deep need - a need so great that without sex, I had lost the will to live.

I equate it more to my love of water, not ice cream.

Oh yes, and in regards to the blue pills mentioned, as I stated earlier, I have improved my health and fitness so much that I reversed the need for Viagra.

 

Its been my experiences over 50 years or so that in almost every case with VERY FEW exceptions, everybody gets everything they really want.

Not to suggest that circumstances cannot intervene but if you want to make more money, you just need to make a choice...make more per unit or multiply the number of units. What you usually hear when you suggest that is that you have a house paid off and you'd have to move to get a better job (make more per unit) or you have a family and cannot work more hours (multipling the number of units). Well, you'd rather have a paid off house than more money or you'd rather build relationships with your family instead of earning more money by working longer hours Ex: work more

 

Fascinating how some men can transmute a discussion on sex love and companionship into something about cars finance and work.

The terror of their conditioning still grips them.

 

Yes. In fact she was lying through her (*)(*)(*)(*)ing teeth at you. Same with mine. In fact she this year has the good grace to "take pity on me" and restart our sexual relationship. Long past that now.

Fascinating what some posters will conjure up. As if she automatically was exploited. Very feminist centric thinking.

I think he/she is of the opinion that you don't matter in this equation. And actually to them you don't.

I couldn't work it out what was wrong with me. I worked out and had friends but didn't get fit or enjoy life or people. I was missing something vital that meant no matter how fast I moved there was no traction. The missing factor was sexual desire.

Indeed. It's far more vital than anyone currently thinks.

 

And therein lies part of the problem with marriage in general: What happens when one spouse loses their sex drive? The other spouse is sentenced to a lifetime of torture, or is forced to cheat, or get divorced. But as with you, divorce often comes with a huge price tag - like losing you kids. And who in the hell wants to spend the rest of their life getting scraps of sympathy sex, if your partner is even considerate enough to provide that? My ex couldn't understand the need for sex. She considered it to be completely optional.

Haha, yes. By the logic often employed, any mutually beneficial arrangement is exploitation.

More generally, men's needs don't matter.

No kidding! I was literally holding a gun to my head and trying to pull the trigger before it dawned on me that I needed sex. I didn't know it would change my life overnight but I did at least recognize that this was killing me.

There is a direct connection between sex and the will to live.

We men have been thrown out with the garbage in this hyper feminized culture. And the worst of it is that even most men don't get it. They drink or eat themselves to death, or blow their brains out with a gun, and never understand why.

I had a friend at another forum, same age as me, who crawled off into a hole and killed himself about the time I went through my crisis. It was very personal for me because he committed suicide for the same reason I almost did. But he never figured it out. He never had that bolt out of the blue like I did.

 

Actually, I didn't say that quite right. What happened to me was, when stripped away of everything I cared about and I was left completely alone, the only thing that was worth living for was sex. The thought of having sex with gorgeous women is what stopped me. The idea of seeing an escort had never ever ever crossed my mind before. But suddenly, like a bolt out of the blue, I realized that I could be in Reno in a matter of hours. THAT is what saved my life. And I can't imagine anything else that could have. I was too far gone to even think about going out and meeting women. That would take far too long and I was a mess. But a sure thing with a gorgeous young woman, was another matter entirely. THAT was worth living for.

 

If I were, you wouldn't be asking. What I meant is precisely what I said, and what I said is crystal clear.

PF rules permitting, I'll post wherever and whatever I bloody well please. Enjoy.

Happily, neither is anything I said.

 

Mebbe she took him for somebody else - a case of mistaken identity 'cos she'd had a few prior to the wedding so thought she was marrying another bloke of erstwhile acqaintance? Just airing an errant thought!

 

Remember this HWGA - beauty is only skin-deep? Companionship, and loyalty in adversity are what it's all about.

 

I know that in my darkest hour, that isn't what saved me. But the illusion of companionship and loyalty helped put a gun to my head. At least beauty is real.

If you're lucky enough to find what I didn't, good for you. All that I got for a lifetime of loyalty was betrayal. I doubt can ever trust that much again. In fact I don't even want to. If you don't expect anything then you won't be disappointed.

And I know that with my first love, for the first time I was truly happy. I loved her unconditionally but asked for nothing. And I was insanely happy. The woman I'm seeing now fills me up... I keep saying that... it's like my soul is taking a deep, long drink of water, after a long thirst. Again, it is almost a religious experience. If I can find that in a lifelong companion, great. But I'm not going to die waiting.

 

Real but fleeting?

I found, but I lost. If you read 'between the lines' of my profile you might cotton on to the fact that in my case, all is not what it seems. I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

Back to rule number 1: Everything in life is fleeting. Live in the moment.

Far more fleeting than beauty were the days in my marriage that I was happy.

 

Beauty is transitory, Doctor; however, she was evidently highly intelligent.
Captain James T. Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise, five to beam up. I don't agree with you, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock: Indeed, Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk: Beauty... survives.

 

Given that we can easily prevent both pregnancy and disease as a result of having sex what other reasons besides religious ones can justify your attitude towards it?

 

Hmm, interesting - Star Trek philosophy.

 

If you don't have any inner peace, you will never be able to really "love" another person. You must learn how to love yourself first. Beauty certainly doesn't last forever, so it's important that you find something else besides the "physical attributes" that you love about a person and realize that everyone is going to have flaws and quirks.

 

Yes exactly. Given that ive got all I'm going to get with my wife ive got to get what I need without losing my kids.
If I don't get that or at least try then without it i risk sliding back into my old ways. I can't have that anymore.
Whatever I am now good or bad. Faithful or sneaky and treacherous I'm a far far far better man already than I was a year ago. At 43 I'm younger than I was at 33. That's what my kids my relations work colleagues patients and friends need. Not a ghostly shell who didn't go out. Who worked. Drank. Watched porn. Worked. Didn't have any dreams and didn't give a toss for anyone or anything; except arguing online about stupid politics.






Haha, yes. By the logic often employed, any mutually beneficial arrangement is exploitation.

Indeed a convenient lie. My wife eventually let it be known that she thought sexual intercourse involved something being taken from her. Of course when it was something she really really liked then it was different.


More generally, men's needs don't matter.

It's simply unconsciousness. The inability to see another viewpoint. Mens viewpoint is far removed from what's acceptable to say. Of course women are free to spout their feelings all day. Lol.

No kidding! I was literally holding a gun to my head and trying to pull the trigger before it dawned on me that I needed sex. I didn't know it would change my life overnight but I did at least recognize that this was killing me.

There is a direct connection between sex and the will to live.

I was wondering what I was missing for a long time. Then I began to think about an old friend who though married and with kids looked and acted as good as ever. I worked out that it had to be sex. He worked abroad most of the time playing sport and hanging out between jobs. I then looked inside myself and realised that when I had the insatiable sex drive I had all I needed. All the energy and will. I looked into a realised that it's directly related to dopamine in the brain. In a way. The more your off porn and by consequence chasing women the more dopamine you have and the stronger you are.



We men have been thrown out with the garbage in this hyper feminized culture. And the worst of it is that even most men don't get it. They drink or eat themselves to death, or blow their brains out with a gun, and never understand why.

I had a friend at another forum, same age as me, who crawled off into a hole and killed himself about the time I went through my crisis. It was very personal for me because he committed suicide for the same reason I almost did. But he never figured it out. He never had that bolt out of the blue like I did.[/QUOTE]

Indeed. I have known many young men falling by the way side over the years. And today those that haven't are shabby versions of men. Barely able to keep clean. In the Scottish macho culture one is permitted to be hard and aggressive to an extent but not to admit one has a unsatisfied want rather than a need; that is weakness. That is perversion.
So instead they kill themselves. To their dying day and their last breath they will not admit what they need. They are cowed men. Cowed by the system. By the culture. By society and by women. They don’t know they're slaves and thus they make the perfect slave. Meanwhile everyone throws up their hands and wonders why men are so self destructive.

 

This seems a bit over the top to me. How do you explain all of the men who do NOT kill themselves? Are you actually saying that men kill themselves over lack of sex? Maybe I misunderstood your post.

 

I think people who kill themselves or attempt to kill themselves are suffering from a bit more than "dissatisfaction" with life or sex. Most people realize that other people (individuals - not WOMEN as a whole group) are not right for them for whatever reason and that it is not a negative for the entire gender and that life is never going to be ideal. We've all had disappointments and we all have our issues, but we learn to live life in spite of this "imperfection."

 

Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. Scotland has a high drug and alcohol dependency based culture. They use these things to drown their needs. To deny them.