My Second Life and other Secrets

I'm on my third life... not third marriage, I'm on my first marriage and third life.

Life number one started in Africa... fuelled by adrenalin, surrounded by violence I found myself emotionally detached.

Second life started in Australia where I met and had the love affair of a lifetime for 6 years. We had the most unforgettable sex, travelled to remote islands and were completely absorbed in one another. When this ended I went back to emotionally detached again for a while before I met my husband.

Third life got married had kids and living your typical family lifestyle in a very sedate environment that are boring compared to life number one but I am content.

I can feel my life shifting as the kids are growing up, I decided to try and have more influence over my fourth life and so the time I'm not investing in my family is invested in my business.

I understand there are often nothing you can do to stop the forces of change, part of living a fulfilling life is accepting change and rolling with the punches until you can get back on your feet.

As far as sex goes I agree with you it is essential for mental and physical wellbeing.

 

Well...

Since this thread is just random.

When I was with my sons mother, one of the reasons for her breakup from me was that "we didn't fight enough".... I don't know what the hell that means at all.

I didn't scream at her enough? I didn't question her? what because I trusted her until she screwed that up?

Now she cries and she wants to get back with me every second because she is lonely?

Yea, that makes me mad - ironically given her demands.

Imgine if a chick cheats on you just to argue.

It's like sometimes females crave abusive attention or something....

 

It works for some men and not for others. It is hugely popular - escort websites online are endless. I think a lot of people would be shocked if they knew how common it is. In fact, this is almost certainly how our new President met his wife.

I never liked the impersonal stuff [classic escorts] but did manage to find a couple of escorts with whom I had rewarding friendships...and I only had one unpleasant encounter. But I found my real home with the sugar baby crowd. The relationships are mostly undefined and open to whatever you want. You just have to find women looking for the same. It's a tricky business and you waste a lot of time, but it works if you have a system and stick to it. I help them with their life and they help me with mine. It is a wonderful arrangement IF you find the right one. But its a tricky relationship to navigate. The first one, the one I loved and still love so much, didn't want to get as close as we did. But I sucked her in simply by loving her as much as life itself. This one wants to get close. She wants more then FWBs. We definitely have that special chemistry and she is definitely smoking hot, so it works for me. I could just eat her up.

Just holding her and lying next to her fills me up. It is like getting recharged for life. Beyond that, she has a strong sex drive and likes to get kinky, I really couldn't ask for more! I had to step up the kink to keep up with her.

 

Youth and beauty a double edge sword? My friend, they ALL come with a double edge sword. If you're going to get sliced up, it might as well be with youth and beauty! LOL!

One young lady told me I'm mind f'ed now. And she might be right, My first was a professional model who is worthy of a Playboy centerfold- absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I've seen an entire room full of men go silent when she walked in. And I haven't been with anyone who wasn't gorgeous for five years now - everyone out of my league in the regular dating world. But a funny thing happened along the way. Suddenly I am able to attract women who wouldn't have given me the time of day before.i I have spent so much time with gorgeous 20 somethings that it seems normal. In fact, for me it is normal now. And they can tell. The whole thing started to snowball and suddenly I was able to approach women I never imagined would be fair game. And I never knew so many young women are okay with much older men. But we appreciate them more, we have more to give, and we are generally more respectful and kinder than younger men, and they like that.

As for the appeal of youth and beauty, I would hope that is self evident. Who doesn't love beauty?

 

You should meet abovealpha....................

 

The more I read on this thread the more I realise how stupendously lucky I was to find the one and only true love of my life.

 

When I lived in the notorious red light district of Leicester (England) about 15 years ago I used to pass many prossies on street corners on my way to the grocers and would buy a few little extra food and pop items to give them as presents on my way back, and a friendship actually developed between us but never once did sex cross my mind because they were like daughters to me (I was in my 50's) and I had this soppy paternal instinct towards them.
Once I was talking to one of them and her friend came up and asked her "is he a client?" to which she replied "No, a friend", which gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. (sniffle).
Another time one was in tears because a man had punched her so I invited her back to my flat for a cup of tea and let her have my bed for the night while I slept on the couch. "You can get in with me if you like" she said, but i made some excuse not to, boy am I one weird mofo!
With hindsight i wish I had got in with her, not for sex, but just to cuddle her til she fell asleep because it was love and tenderness she needed.

 

I certainly never expected to start a new life at 45. But every cloud has a silver lining. I thought my sex life was over long ago. Suddenly I found myself with a 21 yo model. Talk about whiplash!!!

When I first started, In order to keep up I had to get in shape. I guarantee you've never seen a guy work harder. In all I lost 70 pounds of fat and added about 40 pounds of muscle. Went from a 48 waist to a 34. I also reversed the need for Viagra. The elliptical is a sex machine!

Had my marriage not ended, I would almost certainly be dead. By the time I left my health was out of control and going down fast.

 

What a great concept for a thread. What has happened since then is why we can't have nice things around here

As for the romantics, sometimes people meet someone who leaves them totally screwed up and convinced they couldn't ever love again. It is up to them and not the next person who comes along to un-screw up their lives, but that is what grabbng life by the horns is about.

As for the OP, I have had to start over twice. None of it was really interesting. I started down a career path I absolutely hated but was really good at, so I walked away from it. The second time was when both my parents died very prematurely and I ended up having to take on an overwhelming load of responsibility, but I plugged along and am all the better for it....and theoretically I could not ever work again if I were very tight with my spending , but it is much more fun having hobby-ish jobs than doing nothing at all.

 

When people say that it means absolutely nothing, because I have seen dudes that are totally whipped and they're happy........ So this concept is pretty objective.

 

I don't really comprehend what you mean.

 

Some dudes are in abusive relationships but they seem to be happy or at least tolerate it....

It's really weird.

 

Oh right. I think it's a case of low self-esteem or insecurity which makes some males (and females?) prefer to live in abject misery with someone who's abusing/mistreating them physically or mentally, than live on their own. I have a friend who can't stand his wife, and the feeling's mutual, but neither of them has the courage to get the hell out. What a way for someone to spend their life, choosing to live with a person they can't stand the sight of, and vice versa? Actually, if you can't have your soul-mate there's a lot to be said for personal independence.

 

Yea, it's pretty weird...

I think some people are just masochists or just crazy...

People are complicated.

 

I think you fail to understand what is at stake. A divorce can cost 2/3 of your wealth in a good situation. Combine that with the bias against men in some States and you have men who are essentially held hostage. I know for me it was devastating to realize that I was going to lose most of what I had. We were in court for 3 years and it cost me about $180,000 in direct and indirect costs. That was before we split what was left. In all it cost me closer to $300,000. And of course she was heartless and ruthless and lied and lied and lied. I spent three years fending off false accusations and proving every detail of my life. Even though I had never cheated and had always been a loyal husband, even though I was being more than fair, she did everything she could to ruin me. It was the nightmare of nightmares and all because I wanted to live. I just wanted to get the hell away from her.

Beyond that, it is easy to lose perspective. I was raised in an abusive household and didn't realize how bad I had it. It all seemed pretty normal to me. It took a long time to realize how far down the rabbit hole I had gone. It was only when I was holding a gun to my head with my finger on the trigger that it all came into view. Only then did I realize that it was my marriage that was killing me. Only then did it become obvious that I had to get out at any cost. Financially, I may never recover.

I've often thought that the amazing young woman I met was a gift from God to make up for what I had been through. I went from the depths of despair to being the happiest man on earth. What a ride!

 

Some people just cannot stand to be alone or seen to be alone, whichever the case may be. My Grandpa remarried just weeks after my grandmother died. I am sure they weren't cheating before then. He just could not be alone.

 

It's unfortunate but nevertheless true that God is a useful crutch for many people. No matter that it's a fantasy, it still provides emotional support. That is why religion and theism persist - not because any of it is objectively true, but because it is, in a way, subjectively true.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm forever alone. I don't like it, but I am.

 

If you ask me, religion is why many people stay married who shouldn't, especially in the past. It creates a false sense of some grander purpose when in fact you only get to live once. I know religion messed with my head a lot and played a big role in my eventual demise. In fact, in a sense I can see a direct path from religion to my intolerable marriage. I Never should have married her. It is all so obvious now. And I didn't abandon my beliefs until I hit bottom. At that point I realized that I either do what I need to do for me, or I'm a dead man.

There are worse things to be sure. I would marry again but she would have to blow me away. I have no great desire to change things, The sugar baby route is a nice way to go. You get a lot of the benefits of a traditional relationship without all the hassles. And you can spend time with women who would normally be out of reach. My best friends see the photos of who I'm dating and they all hate me!

Unfortunately, I guess, when I see women close to my age, I see my ex wife. And I don't like the generational attitudes either. I really don't see myself ever marrying anyone my own age again. I think that ship has sailed.

 

There are pluses and minuses to everything though. If I lived alone, I would never be able to cook for just one person, but I would save a ton of money.

 

It's easy to laze out on the cooking and just eat junky foods when you're on your own. All too tempting. And then, there go the savings!

 

I have a cat i can loan you. Actually I have like 20 cats I can loan you, but I was thinking of the one that goes around the neighborhood telling all the other cats, "Hey, come home with me. Lots of free food if you just stare in the door looking sad."

 

You have to have a reason to take care of yourself. And it really isn't that hard to replace junk food with healthy snacks. Again, for me there is more than enough motivation.

My diet is pretty hard core now but I was once a total sugar addict.

Oh, well if you expect to have any money then forget the women.

 

Got plenty of cats already. Three now, all indoor-only!

 

I've really enjoyed your thread. I was slowly dying up until a year ago. A sexless marriage had made me a porn addicted alcoholic. Until I started to secretly pursue women. Now like you I'm fitter and happier than ever. But I'm still married and have two wonderful daughters. So I don't know what to do...continue my secret ways or divorce and be free but lose the kids? It's a pickle that only other evolved men could understand.

 

'tis better to have loved and lost, much better

It is generally recognized that the idea of romantic love as a universally desirable thing was invented by the troubadours in the Middle Ages. Before that marriage was a way to procreate offspring "legitimately" obligated to care for one in one's old age, to unite families and prevent feuds among them. Sex was a pleasurable byproduct of that idea but by no means available only through that institution. The very idea of that being the case would be looked upon by the ancients as not only impossible and cruel but nearly unimaginably bizarre.

Romantic love as we generally tend to think of it was seen as a type of mental illness. We still look on it in somewhat that way today, but we also see it as somehow a necessity for most people's existence rather than akin to alcoholism or drug addiction, as those ages did. It is possible that our view of romantic love may not be the case for some people, and society does these people a serious disservice by trying to say that everyone must find the other half of themselves to live fully in our dyadic culture.