The moral of our story is more complicated than the pro-choice/pro-life talking points would allow. A few interesting twists. Have patience with this long post, because folks on both sides on their high horses need to read more. When we first discussed this, She was very traumatized, and she decided she wanted an abortion. I told her any decision was absolutely hers to make (and I completely meant it) but I knew in my gut she just wasn't mentally in any shape. She was terrified I would leave her over this, that I would have doubts about the truth of her story. I needed to stall for a little bit of time lest this pro-lifer do something too rash. We made a deal. We would visit some local pregnancy help organisations and look at adoption, abortion and keeping- the- kid support systems and after looking at them, and sorting through and discussing it more . She would make the decision. Her body, her life-changing choice. She called an made an appointment with some adoption agency. It was two weeks out! I was soo glad for the time! We visited a local catholic pro-life charity for 'unwed mothers' We sat in the waiting room looking at the pamphlets and the posters etc. The pro-life propaganda was everywhere. The photos of 'the unborn' sucking thumbs, the stories of teen mothers glowing at their newborns, Some less- than- subtle digs at the pro-choice movement, and lots of phone numbers for catholic counselors and all the charities and helping hand organisations to offer financial support with formula, clothes and even help with medical bills and insurance question. We did not even stay long enough to speak to anyone. She wasn't ready to talk to these people. but we are talking. I am re-assuring. A week goes by and its time for Planned Parenting visit to learn about the abortion option. That atmosphere was very different. Its a doctor's office. there was no propaganda anywhere. We get pamphlets here too, offering resources to help. There are some of the same phone numbers we saw at 'St Thomas' to help financially with the baby, or counselors to help telling parents etc. There was no hard sell, no presumption on what someone 'ought' to do. The atmosphere was empathetic but without a moral compass to point at us. My wife stays long enough to talk to a nurse. The nurse describes the procedure in clinical terms. Tells her to take some time and think about it. Trust me I am listening very carefully for pressure because my wife is in a very fragile state. It wasn't there. We walk out the door, into the parking lot. My wife says to me. "I am not going back. I won't do it" . I said, " Okay. If you are sure... we still have the appointment for adoption..." "No, I can't carry this to term and give it up. I am canceling." "Alright, if you are sure...I'll do whatever you want" The point is that I can thank Planned Parenthood's non-judgemental clinical approach for getting my wife to understand that she wanted to have the baby and that she really was in charge, and that real support is not conditional on picking the 'right' option. Both of us had serious challenges with this pregnancy and the rape at different times, but we both knew that the baby would come and she would be its mother. I did not care what the outcome but I knew who I wanted to make that final call. I just had to stall until my wife was truly the person I knew, to make it.
if were gonna use that logic then we need to allow Conjugal visits in prison, cause you never know what sperm cell could be the next savior
Logic? How about this logic: a clump of cells has the potential of becoming a baby. If you believe that cells with the potential to become a baby are a baby, then if you practice any type of birth control, you are a murderer...because every egg & sperm has that same potential. If the clump of cells is a baby, why does the medical community dispose of miscarriages as medical waste? No funeral required. Not so with a stillborn past the age of viability. Guess the medical community thinks its a clump of cells & not a baby at early stages. If its a baby, why isn't a miscarriage baptized before the funeral...they do that to stillborn babies. People have twisted the facts of what human reproduction is into an unrecognizable mess to suit their personal beliefs. If you want to allow a pregnancy to continue, do so....that is your decision. Don't make others decisions for them.
And so you believe abortion to cope with the rape trauma and prevent a lifelong connection to her rapist is one of "convenience?"
I think you meant only if you believe every sperm cell is a potential child and the government should force women to have babies... I do not believe that should be the case
Sure enough, women should just choose to recognize the blessing they've received by being raped. And if she's lucky enough to get pregnant from the rape, she should be ecstatic. The pregnancy will help her remember her rape if she should ever forget for a moment. Maybe women should start roaming the streets in bad neighborhoods or young girls should go to fraternity parties and maybe they'll be lucky enough to be blessed also. This is basically what you are saying, ARE YOU CRAZY? You do understand, don't you, that meeting ONE person who escaped from a high-risk childhood with his mental health intact doesn't mean that every child in those circumstances finds life so rosy? It may be possible to survive such circumstances, but it's got to be torturous, and I am fed up with those who suggest every woman should just look on the bright side and she'll be delirious with happiness. http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-legitimate-children-of-rape The decision of whether or not to carry through with such a pregnancy is nearly always an ordeal that can lead, no matter which choice is ultimately made, to depression, anxiety, insomnia, and P.T.S.D. Rape is a permanent damage; it leaves not scars, but open wounds. As one woman I saw said, You can abort the child, but not the experience. Even women who try to learn their childs blamelessness can find it desperately difficult. The British psychoanalyst Joan Raphael-Leff writes of women bearing children conceived in rape, The woman feels she has growing inside her part of a hateful or distasteful Other. Unless this feeling can be resolved, the ftus who takes on these characteristics is liable to remain an internal foreigner, barely tolerated or in constant danger of expulsion, and the baby will emerge part-stranger, likely to be ostracized or punished. One rape survivor, in testimony before the Louisiana Senate Committee on Health and Welfare, described her son as a living, breathing torture mechanism that replayed in my mind over and over the rape. Another woman described having a rape-conceived son as entrapment beyond description and felt the child was cursed from birth; the child ultimately had severe psychological challenges and was removed from the family by social services concerned about his mental well-being. One of the women I interviewed said, While most mothers just go with their natural instincts, my instincts are horrifying. Its a constant, conscious effort that my instincts not take over.
Oh BS, you're trying to make it look like your post has some deep meaning , some philosophical mystery of the Ancients solved !!...and if I meditate and become one with the mystical universe of Blather, All Will Be Revealed! No, you met a nice person, there are lots of them..the end.
And what comes from this is that your wife had the choice to do so, it is great that you and her made this decision because you could. Give pro-lifers what they want and neither her nor you would have that choice.
When a woman is raped and becomes pregnant (it happens a lot regardless of what the GOP wants you to believe) she should have the right to any means of not having to carry the baby to term. If she chooses to do this she should be treated with respect and dignity. If she chooses to carry to term and have a baby then she should be treated with respect and dignity and given all the support she needs to be a good mom to that child. That is called being part of community. Now to the person who's wife was raped and the rapist might be the father. Keeping the secret is a choice you have but there may be medical implication for your son if his genetic history is unknown. That is something to think about. I have heard stories of people finding out their dad wasn't their biological father and it was a tough family situation for a long time.
While this is a great story it really misses the point, the woman in this case was a very strong person who had the ability to make the choices she made .. Had pro-lifers got their way she would have had no choice at all, and this is the very thing that pro-lifers ignore and the very thing that pro-choicers defend .. This woman and no woman should ever be in a situation where they are forced to accept something that is purely their decision to make. Kudos to this man and his mother for facing the reality and the man turning out to be a great person .. however, he could just as easily become something a lot worse.
I can't argue with what you said (and it was very well said). Without disagreeing, I will point out people have infinite opportunities and less than infinite days to pursue them. Part of taking responsibility for your life is choosing which you will accept and which you will decline. And that's really what this debate has always been about, the right to choose.
And this is the very bind we are in today. We both believe that I am genetically Dad, because he 'looks' like very much like me and the attacker was very dark skinned. My then- wife was foolish enough to tell her mother about the rape (she needed to talk one day and I wasn't around) , and Mother told a sister, who eventually told a son who is now sitting in prison, and this thing has taken on the shade of a nasty but still narrow little rumor - except somewhere down the train, it appears to have turned into a rumor of possibly infidelity, rather than rape. I want to tell my son, who is now 13, before a potential time-bomb explodes, and get a paternity test .if he wants, but the EX simply and adamantly refused to discuss the option. its case- closed- slam- that- idea- out- of- your- head. Its her private business, her attack, I swore to her at the time, and thus I have no right to tell. I really think she hopes that when her mother dies, the rape angle will die with her. No one has much contact with sister or son. The last time I researched this , and talked to a counselor myself, was more than a decade ago, but she said there simply was not enough reported cases of divulged rapes to kids, to have any solid studies on it's impact or to give us any clue on when or how to proceed. She gave me no valuable guidance on this issue. I am still stuck with a solemn promise I made, before the child was born, but when I had no clue she would ever tell her mom eons ago. My big worry is that the boy will hear the whole story as a rumor, and he will not know who to talk to about it himself. He can't discuss it with his Mom, and he will not know that I already know, and that he absolutely can talk to me. The rumor is likely fester in him. I can't sit him down and say " Hey son, if you ever hear any rumors about your parentage and your mother maybe slutting around, or maybe getting raped, my door is always open...'
I like this story. Because the mother of this man you met was allowed to choose for herself. She chose to give birth. I am 100% okay with that outcome as I would have been 100% okay if she'd chosen abortion. My concern in all stories like this no matter the outcome is that the mother be the one deciding what's going to happen with her body, not people who think she should act a certain way or choose a certain way because it makes the preachy person feel better.
The Jews who died in Nazi concentration camps didn't "require" funerals either. And we should find that noteworthy because...? You certainly have.
I admire you & your wife's acceptance of a difficult (doesn't even begin to cover it) situation. I'm old, and in my experience, someone is going to tell your son the family secret. I have never known it to fail. The old cliche' about the only way 2 people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead is true. Somebody is going to tell him "because he needs to know" (translation: cause pain), or because they are angry, spiteful people who just like to hurt others, or they just feel morally 'obligated' to have the 'truth' set free. They will find a justification. I would consult a specialist in children & make a plan (with your wife) about how to tell him. Children are not dumb. He may already know and not want to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your or his mother. God Bless all of you.
I had no idea the medical field consisted entirely of Nazi's...maybe its just your doctor...I would find another doctor if I were you....
my plan was to get a test done, and hopefully if the result works out, we could simply make out the whole story as a silly rumor by family gossip mongers . The problem becomes consent forms and the moral implications if I knowingly perpetuate a lie. Thus far I can truthfully say I believe he is biologically my son, and I have kept a solemn oath dependent on my exe's private sexual history. Its more her story to tell than mine because she was the victim, and she is NOT going to any child -expert to discuss squat, I can assure you of that! I feel totally trapped in a box and certain knowledge could make the box a lot smaller and offer me no more maneuvering room. This is really about the ravages of the same PTSD, she was treated for 12 years ago.
Thanks for the hopelessly retarded response, and do feel free not to vouchsafe the y-man any more of the same.
